Forgiveness from a five-year-old

I got L.(5) settled into bed Friday night, following the usual routine.

Jammies were on, teeth were brushed, and Daddy got his hugs and kisses. Then the two of us climbed into L.’s bed and read one of my personal favorites, Calvin Can’t Fly.

We talked about starlings and flying and books, and we giggled a bit.

But before L. started his bedtime prayer, I had to tell him something.

“L.,” I said. “Can you look at me?”

“Yeah, mom?” he asked, turning so his blue eyes took in my gaze.

“I need to tell you that I’m really sorry for yelling at you earlier today. Remember when I did that?”

“Yeah. When you were putting the bikes on the car.”

***

Earlier in the day, I’d had the bright idea to take both boys to the local bike trail, so the three of us could enjoy a little ride. The idea itself wasn’t bad, but perhaps the spontaneity wasn’t ideal.

I had never put the bike rack on the car before (Chad always does that). I had never put bikes onto the bike rack before (Chad always does that too).  It was hot. And my bike is heavy and shaped in such a way that it has to be put on the rack in a really weird way (and yes, Chad always handles that part, too).

C.(12) was incredibly helpful, but still, at one point I found myself sweaty, frustrated, and holding a heavy bike up in the air while realizing that my current approach to bike-rack-loading was simply not working.

L.(5) — not wanting me to forget his bike — pushed his bicycle over just then and stood with it, right next to me, right under the bike I was holding in the air.

And…I’m sure you can see it coming. Instead of responding with grace and kind concern, I yelled at him. I snapped at him. I ordered him to get back in the garage and just. wait. right. there.

He did. Patiently, he sat in the garage and waited until I finished loading bikes.

Ugh. I’m embarrassed to even recall it. It wasn’t a pretty moment. Yes, I was concerned that I would drop a bike on him. But was my response the right one? Far from it.

***

“That’s right, buddy,” I continued, smoothing his bed quilt where it lay on his shoulder. “When I was putting the bikes on the car. I yelled at you to get back in the garage and that wasn’t very nice of me. I should have spoken to you more kindly, and I should have let you know that I was concerned, instead of just sounding angry. I’m really sorry, L.”

“Mom?” he said. “I really, really forgive you.”

And that was that. As far as he was concerned, it was over.

***

I wish I could say that this incident was 100% out of character for me. I wish I could say that I never, ever yell at my kids, and that I always speak to them with just the right amount of gentleness mixed with just the right amount of firmness, surrounded with just the right amount of love.

But I can’t. I don’t think of myself as a “screamer,” but there are days, there are moments, when I respond out of frustration rather than love, when I’m quick to yell instead of quick to communicate. When I over-react. When I snap at my kids.

There have been other nights like last Friday, where we get to bedtime and I once again look one of my sons in the eye and apologize for my behavior.

And time after time, I’m amazed at their response. Yes, they remember the moments I’m apologizing for, but they don’t hesitate to forgive me. They don’t tell me that they’ll “try” to forgive me.

They just do.

Right away.

Completely.

And it’s over. No hard feelings. No grudges.

Just forgiveness. And love.

The forgiveness my children offer me is a grace that overwhelms me. It reminds me of the sure and complete forgiveness God offers us when we confess our sins to Him. It is more than I deserve.

And it spurs me on, makes me want to be a better mom, drives me to prayer, asking God for the grace and help to love my children better today than I did yesterday, and to love them better tomorrow than I do today.

 

A VBS-induced absence

Multiple Choice Quiz

One week of Vacation Bible School is enough to:

a. Render me practically incapable of blogging, and of most communication with the outside world.
b. Cause me to nap every day; and not just light naps, but out-cold for-real-sleep naps.
c. Make me forget about the fact that I have not yet given away the gift certificates from Spring Reading Thing 2011 (ugh- sorry!).
d. Prevent me from noticing that a cup of milk has been sitting out all day…until my 5-year-old mentions that he drank his “breakfast milk” at 3:30 in the afternoon.
e. All of the above.

Correct Answer: e

Yes, last week was VBS week at our church. One week of Pandamania craziness. More than 600 kids and more than 300 volunteers. Singing, Bible stories, crafts, games. Getting up early, taking afternoon naps.

It was a great week. I loved working with a fantastic group of volunteers and seeing all the kids having such fun learning about God. But my favorite part of VBS is when I catch a glimpse of one of my kids thoroughly caught up in the moment, singing his heart out.

L.(5), singing during the "Rowdy Wrap-Up."

C.(12) was officially too old for VBS this year, so he spent last week volunteering (and he did a great job, by the way). But L.(5) was in a preschool “Bamboo Crew” and loved every minute of Pandamania. At one point, he asked if we could go to VBS twice each day.

[I told him that while that would be fun, and I would support him doing so, I had a feeling that all the grown-ups needed to go home and take naps, and would be unable to pull double VBS shifts all week.]

So while last week was really amazing, it was also really exhausting. Each day, we’d stumble into our house sometime before 1 p.m., I’d make lunch for the boys, sit bleary-eyed while they ate, and then announce the start of Nap Time.

Neither of them napped, because my kids are apparently blessed with some kind of freakish Neverending Energy, but I crashed every day into much-needed slumber.

And then it took me about 2.7 days to start feeling normal again, after VBS was over.

Here it is, Tuesday, and I think I’m mostly recovered. Well, to be honest, I still haven’t unpacked the backpack I used to carry all my VBS supplies and materials last week, and I have a VBS follow-up meeting later this week, but other than that, I think I’m mostly recovered.

So before something else comes along and completely distracts me, I’m going to draw the winners of the SRT ’11 gift certificates. And then tackle the piles of laundry that are waiting for me.

A mom-and-tween book club

True confession: I’ve never been in a book club.

To clarify, I have participated in Bible studies and related book studies — usually weekly meetings, going through a particular topic or book. But I’ve never been part of those delightful-sounding gatherings: fiction book clubs. You know, where everyone reads the same novel and then gets together at the end to discuss it? Nope. Never been part of one.

I don’t really have a specific reason for my lack of book-club membership. If pushed to come up with an excuse, I suppose I’d say that it’s not easy for me to add things to my schedule. Between my husband’s out-of-town travel, kid and family and church activities, and my general homebody-ness, I find that my calendar is usually “full enough,” and I try not to mess with it too much. [I tend to become a bit unstable when the calendar squares begin to overflow.]

But I’ll be honest: part of me would someday like to give the book club scene a try.

Right now, however, I have something that just might be even better. I’ve instituted a summer fiction book club with C., my tween. Since he shares my love for reading, and is now at that age where he reads and appreciates some of the same books I do, I decided this would be the perfect time.

To begin, we picked The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien. It’s perfect. C. has never read it, and I haven’t read it in decades years. It was one of my favorite books during my teen years, though, and I’ve been thoroughly looking forward to enjoying it once again. (Besides, Peter Jackson just started working on the movie version, which I am eagerly anticipating.)

We’re not doing the usual book club thing, where you read the entire book and then discuss it as a whole. Instead, we’ve decided to meet regularly and talk about each chapter as we read it. As you can imagine, the meetings will be frequent, but I’m not complaining. Reading a favorite novel with my tween and chatting about it regularly? That’s awesome in my book.

We had our first book club meeting last night, to discuss Chapter 1. We settled into our comfy swivel chairs (in our library, of course), and discussed Bilbo, Gandalf, and the dwarves. We talked about big themes and deep truths, amusing parts and character traits, things we can relate to and things we can’t…and that’s just in the first chapter!

C. has already read Chapter 2 (entitled Roast Mutton). I need to catch up so we can schedule our next meeting. I can’t wait!

 

Lunchtime Read-Aloud and a Classic I’ve Never Read

In case you hadn’t gathered, reading is somewhat of a passion — and pretty much, a requirement — in this house. We all love books, and we all spend a fair amount of time reading each day.

But one area where I always want to do better is in reading aloud to the kids. Oh, I read to L.(5) at bedtime. But by then, he has usually stalled and dawdled or needed one last sip of water and we end up rushing through a quick book or two because it is time for bed. We try to squeeze in reading other times too, but I admit I’m not very good at making it a priority.

C.(12) and I are sporadic when it comes to reading aloud together. Over the course of the past year, we read a couple books (The Book of Three and The Black Cauldron by Lloyd Alexander), but during the school year it seems that homework and piano lessons and Wednesday night church and general family busyness all conspire against us. We struggle to consistently set aside time to read in the evenings and it often falls by the wayside.

But now…it’s summer. Or close enough. And I decided that one of my personal goals for this summer was to spend more time reading aloud to the boys.

Here’s the thing: I want to read to them at the same time. But I’ll tell you, it can be very hard to find material that appeals to both a 5-year-old and a 12-year-old.

So instead, I thought I’d pick something that appealed to me!

Believe it or not, I’ve never read The Wind in the Willows. It’s possible that I had to read portions of it in elementary school, as part of our reading curriculum. But if I did, I certainly don’t remember it. I know I’ve heard about The Wind in the Willows — Mole and Badger and Toad. But still, it remains a classic that I’ve never read. Perfect for our read-aloud.

Next I had to choose a time. While our evenings are more free in the summer, the kids tend to stay outside, playing and swinging, well into the evening and I’m hesitant to interfere with that hallmark of childhood. Instead, I decided to borrow an idea from my friend Jennifer: a lunchtime read-aloud. It’s perfect, really. While the kids are eating strawberries and sandwiches, they are my captive audience. I have at least 15-20 minutes every afternoon — perfect for reading!

We began today. During a trip to the library, I picked up a copy of The Wind in the Willows and as soon as lunch was on the table, I was diving into Chapter 1.

So far, so good. Actually, it was pretty great. I thought that the story might be a bit “young” for C. And I thought the language and length of chapters might be a bit “old” for L. But both of them thoroughly enjoyed the story so far.

I’m sure part of their enjoyment was related to the closeness and camaraderie that come from exploring a story together. Together-time is always a plus. But C. mentioned something about an excerpt from the book being in his reading book this past year, and L. was able to give me a pretty good recap of what we had read, so I know they were both engaged in the book as well.

I can’t guarantee I’ll be faithful to read at every single lunch-time this summer. I’m sure there will be days when we’re not here, days when I’m exhausted, days when distractions keep us from our book. But I hope to read a minimum of 3-4 days per week. I’m already trying to figure out what we’ll read next.

[C. and I are planning another reading adventure this summer -- I'll share more about that later!]

In the meantime, I’d love to hear about your read-aloud experiences, or your memories of Wind in the Willows, OR any suggestions for books that will appeal to a 5-year-old and a 12-year-old!

Friday’s Fave Five

Another Friday, another chance to share five of of our favorite things from the past week along with Susanne, the gracious hostess of Friday’s Fave Five.

Here are five of my favorite things from this past week:

1. C. finishing strong in 6th grade. C.(12) had his last day of sixth grade yesterday. (And for the record, yes, the fact that I have a son who will soon be in 7th grade makes me feel a little bit old…and a whole lot like, “Wow. Where did the time go?”) If you’ll permit me to brag for just a second, I’ll tell you that he finished up with straight A’s for the year and on the High Honor Roll. He worked hard and we’re proud of him. I’m not sure if he’s glad school is over or…not so much. For weeks, he’s been telling us how he’s so ready for summer break, but I know it’ll be a transition to go from seeing friends every day to being stuck with his chore-delegating mom and highly talkative little brother for three months or so.

2. Celebrating L.’s 5th birthday with family and friends. In a recent post about our small group, I mentioned that Chad and I are both introverts, and it’s true. But we happen to be introverts with many, many family members. I have to admit, packing this house last weekend with people we love, people who love our kids, was a treat and a blessing. Read more about our celebration (including L.’s Angry Birds birthday cake) in this post.

3. The Berry Almond Chicken Salad at Wendy’s. Yes, a salad is making my list this week. It’s packed with strawberries, blueberries, almonds, and Asiago cheese — four things that I could eat in large quantities if given the chance. And it comes in at a reasonable calorie count (especially the half-size) — low enough that I treated myself to a small bowl of ice cream afterward. Win-win!

4. Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick. One of my favorite books ever is Comforts from the Cross by Elyse Fitzpatrick. It seems I’m always reading and re-reading it. So needless to say, when I saw she had a book on raising our kids with grace and the gospel coming out, I immediately pre-ordered it. It is now on my bookshelf and I’m trying to resist it until I finish my Spring Reading Thing books. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to hold out, though. I admit, I’ve already read snippets and I think it’s going to be really, really good.

5. Friends who spontaneously and graciously offer to watch my kids. I had a friend do exactly that yesterday — she offered, on the spur of the moment, to watch L. while I attended my nephew’s middle school graduation. I didn’t even ask this friend — she just offered. It was such a blessing. Naturally, L. enjoyed playing with my friend’s son far more than he would have enjoyed the graduation ceremony, and I was able to enjoy a peaceful hour or so, just being there and taking pictures. Thank you, friend! I want to be that kind of friend, too, the gracious and giving kind…

**

Check out Susanne’s blog for more Friday’s Fave Five participants.