Faith

Nov 24, 2010

Thankful

I’m writing this post on Wednesday night. It’s 9:30 and everyone other than me is already in bed. Chad is sick — battling some kind of viral throat infection, we think. He took some Nyquil and climbed under the covers. C.(12) is better after a cold he had last week. L.(4) has croup, but is on the mend. It’s been one of those weeks.

Sadly, I have to admit that there are times when a bunch of illnesses in our home leads me to excessive grouchiness and complaining. It’s not the right response, but it’s one I adopt. Too often.

But tonight, there are other things on my mind.

We did some shopping this week for some families on our church’s “Caring Tree.” (Local ministries take requests from families and we, as a church, get the privilege of blessing those families by fulfilling their wish lists.)

Some of the wishes look like any other Christmas list — MP3 players, toys.

But some are more basic: A pair of pajamas. Diapers. A Bible. A gift card to the grocery store.

How often do I take for granted the fact that my kids have two sets of pajamas — one to wear while the other’s being washed? How often do I think about the fact that I don’t have to ask for a grocery store gift card for Christmas? And we won’t even talk about how many Bibles we have in this house.

God has blessed us abundantly and tonight, I’m thankful, and also humbled and…a little on guard.

I was reading recently in the book of Hosea. God talks of how He cared for His people, the Israelites, when they were wandering in the desert. Hosea 13:5-6 says:

“I cared for you in the wilderness,
in the land of burning heat.
When I fed them, they were satisfied;
when they were satisfied, they became proud;
then they forgot me.”

Do you see the process there?

1. The Israelites were in need.

2. God cared for them and provided enough that they were satisfied.

3. They became proud and forgot God.

Isn’t that just how we tend to be? When we are satisfied — when we have all that we need — we tend to lose sight of our need for God. We rely on ourselves and figure we can handle everything just fine, thank you very much (there’s that pride). And we forget God. We forget that He is our provider and that He’s the one who has cared for us and gotten us through the wilderness and the heat and the hunger.

I don’t know about you, but in my life, the amount of time I spend praying seems to be inversely proportional to how “easy” life feels. The easier things are…the easier it is to fall into prayerlessness.

I’m incredibly thankful for the blessings God’s given us. I’m happy to have a house that is warm and safe and comfortable. I appreciate the fact that we have two cars, plenty of food and clothing, enough money to go on vacation. And to be honest, I thoroughly enjoy the “toys” and gadgets we have that make life easier or just more fun.

But I don’t want to lose sight of my constant need for God. I don’t want to forget that He is the source of everything, the Giver of all the good gifts we enjoy. In our lack of “want,” I don’t want to become proud. And I don’t want to forget God.

So I’m praying, praying that God won’t let me forget Him. It seems like it’s one of those scary kinds of prayers — you know, like “Don’t pray for patience”? But I know God is good and loving and I trust Him.

And tonight, I thank Him. For everything.

Filed Under: Faith 6 Comments

Nov 18, 2010

Broken or New?

written by katrina · 13 Comments

L.(4) recently received a treat bag full of toys that were not destined to survive more than 20 minutes of little-boy roughhousing. You know the kind — they’re plastic and colorful and fun for kids, but they’re also extremely breakable. They come in bulk and are ideal for party favors…but all parents know that they will end up in the garbage before too long.

Of course, he loved them. He latched on to one toy in particular — a plastic ice cream cone that launches a foam “ice cream scoop” into the air when you push a button. I can personally attest to the fact that the scoop of fake ice cream has been under or behind just about every item of furniture in our house.

In true four-year-old form, he took the ice cream cone everywhere.

Last week, we were driving home from the grocery store when L. suddenly said, “Hey! Look, Mom!”

I executed that well-practiced mom move of glancing in the rearview mirror for a microsecond to see what was going on. It didn’t even take the full microsecond to see what had happened.

The toy was broken.

I could see two halves of the cone in his two little hands. I hadn’t heard any crying yet, though, so I kept my tone light and matter-of-fact. “Uh-oh. Looks like it broke. You know, that happens sometimes with little toys.”

But apparently, I was wrong.

“No, mom,” L. replied. “It’s not broken. I’m just making something new.”

Oh.

Well, then.

:::

What was “just” a cute conversation about a cheap plastic toy has stuck with me. And in the way little things sometimes do, it has affected me more deeply than I expected.

Confession: I’ve been struggling with feelings of inadequacy and failure lately. When I look at my life, I feel like I’m falling short in so many ways. I’m not saying this to trigger your sympathy; I’m just trying to keep things real.

There are things I know I should do, but I don’t. Things I know I need to stop, yet I cling to them, unwilling to loosen my grip. Uncertainty, scatteredness.

In a fit of exasperation, not too long ago, I threw up my hands and said, “I’m broken. That’s all there is to it. Broken. I don’t work right.”

But the conversation with L. — the conversation about a plastic toy — echoed in my mind.

“It’s not broken…I’m just making something new.”

And I wondered. I wondered if maybe it’s not a completely bad thing to feel out of control and a bit lost. Uncertainty might be a needed pinprick in the pride that so often balloons in me.

Maybe feeling broken is a good place to start.

Because maybe that’s where God needs me to be when He makes something new.

Perhaps, when I look at my life and feel like I’m falling apart, it means that the One who made me is gently but purposefully dismantling the structures I’ve built in order to make something different, something better.

I hope that’s the case. And I don’t want to stand in His way.

Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert.

- Isaiah 43:19

Filed Under: Faith, Family 13 Comments

Nov 5, 2010

Friday’s Fave Five

written by katrina · 9 Comments

It’s Friday, which means Susanne is hosting Friday’s Fave Five, a chance for bloggers to share five of their favorite things from this week. Here are mine:

1. God’s protection. Last Sunday, I was almost hit by a lady who made a left turn into 2 lanes of oncoming traffic when she had a red light. Thankfully, there was no one next to me, and I was able to swerve out of her way, but it was close. Close enough that I could see her facial features clearly. I had to sit in a parking lot for a while afterward, waiting for my shaky hands to calm down. I’m so thankful for God’s protection, and that no one was hurt in what could have been a disastrous situation.

2. A good parent-teacher conference. Monday, I met with C’s (12) teacher for our official parent-teacher conference, and it went very well. It’s always nice to feel like the teacher has an approach that meshes well with ours, and that we’re on the same page as far as expectations go. C. is having a good year so far in sixth grade, and we’re thankful that he has good teachers to guide him along.

3. The privilege of voting. L.(4) and I headed to the polls Tuesday morning and were surprised to have to wait in line. We live in a fairly rural district and when I go (mid-morning, 10:00 or so), it’s usually very quiet. But this week, it was busier than I’ve ever seen it. I’m glad to live in a country where we have the opportunity to support candidates who represent the things we value, and I was pleased to see so many people exercising that right this week. I’m also glad we have nice folks manning the polls, folks who are always happy to give L. an “I Voted” sticker and to ask how he’s doing.

4. Fleece hoodies. Yesterday, I wore my favorite item of clothing. It’s a fleecy hooded sweatshirt type thing — soft and cozy and comfy. I could wear it every day. And sleep in it. I don’t, but I could. Sometimes, it’s little pleasures that really brighten our days.

5. Holding hands with my little boy. When L. and I get to preschool, he usually lets go of my hand as soon as we go through the door. He heads up the steps and down the hallway all by himself — he knows the way and he likes to demonstrate his independence regularly. But this morning, for a reason unknown to me, he didn’t let go. I automatically slackened my grip on his hand when we got inside, but instead of darting off ahead of me, he re-established his hold on me. I didn’t say a word, but I happily kept his hand in mine. I know the day will come when he’s done holding my hand. He won’t need my protection in parking lots and he won’t want to be so “attached.” So this morning, I smiled to myself and thoroughly enjoyed the blessing of a little more hand-holding with my favorite 4-year-old.

Stop by Susanne’s blog to discover other bloggers’ favorite things from this past week.

Filed Under: Etc., Faith, Family 9 Comments

Oct 21, 2010

What books cannot do

written by katrina · 13 Comments

In case you haven’t guessed, I like books. All kinds of books. And I like what they can do for me.

I enjoy a well-written novel that can keep me turning pages long past my bedtime, eager to find out what happens next.

I love when a book teaches me something new, fascinating me with details and information I never heard before.

But there’s something else I often want books to do for me:

I want books to fix me.

I have countless books about the craft of writing because I’m sure that one of them is going to turn me into a fantastic writer, or even a published novelist. I regularly pick up parenting books because I’m convinced they’ll give me the “perfect” tools to become a “perfect” parent. I read book after book from the Christian Living section of the bookstore, looking for the key to being more godly, more consistent in my prayer life, more loving, more giving.

The thing is, there’s nothing inherently wrong with reading these books. They can teach me things and they can offer encouragement and practical advice.

But they’re not going to do the hard work for me. They’re not going to change me.

No book is going to instantly transform me into a mom who handles every discipline scenario with perfect wisdom and grace.

No book is going to push me out of bed in the morning and whisper into my ear that I need to start my day in prayer.

No book is going to be my writing task-master, forcing me to put words on paper even when I don’t feel like it.

The books might give me some good ideas, but they’re not going to do the work for me.

(Wouldn’t it be nice, though, if we could read a parenting book before bed, and wake up better parents without any effort on our part?)

I’ve been in denial about this issue, I think. It’s only recently that I admitted to myself that I’m looking for some kind of magic cure when I pick up the latest nonfiction that promises to have all the answers and tactics I need.

And so lately, instead of picking up that book, I’ve been talking to myself, reminding myself that the book — whatever this latest one is — is not going to fix me. There is no instant, magic cure.

But wait, please don’t think I’m ending on this on a depressing note.

There is hope for change and progress…I can hope for improvement in my life, little by little. I just can’t expect it to happen as a result of the small act of reading a few pages.

I need to do a few other things:

Pray. Ultimately, the most important changes in my life are going to happen through God’s work in my heart and in my life. The things I most need and desire come as a result of the Holy Spirit cultivating them in me. Things like love, joy, patience, self-control. (Sound familiar? See Galatians 5:22-23. I need them all.) I need to pray for God to work in me and I need to nurture my relationship with Him above all else.
Make the most important Book a priority. There is one book that is not magic, but supernatural. The Bible is “living and active” and because it is the Word of God, it can impact me in ways no other book can. I need to put this book and the things it says above every other book on my shelves.
Exercise discipline, and apply the things I’ve already learned. Hoping to change and praying for change is foolish if I plan to indulge the same old bad habits and ignore the things I know I need to do. Reading about serving others only gets me so far…at some point, I need to actually get off the couch and serve someone. Reading about writing is nice, but will not help one bit if I don’t put my fingers on the keyboard and write something.

In case you’re my husband and you’re now thinking, “Excellent! Katrina won’t be buying any more books!” I’m afraid you’re wrong. See, I’m not saying that the books I enjoy aren’t good or helpful. I’m just saying that they’re not the ultimate solution to my problems. They’re just a starting place. Or maybe more of an in-between place — somewhere between the desire for change and the change itself.

I might still pick up some of those books. I’ll just be thinking of them a bit differently now.

Filed Under: Books/Reading, Faith 13 Comments

Jun 28, 2010

A Milestone

written by katrina · 14 Comments

This past weekend, we had a milestone in our family.

C.(11) was baptized.

Our church does not practice infant baptism. Instead, it’s a conscious, deliberate decision made when an individual is older. When a person has asked God to forgive his sins, has accepted by faith the sacrifice Jesus made to pay for our sins, and has given his life to God, he can then be baptized.

In essence, baptism is a public declaration of an individual’s faith in Christ and his desire to obey and live for God.

Needless to say, when C. was baptized this past Saturday, it was a joyous and momentous occasion for us. As parents, there are many things we want to teach our children — everything from basics like tooth-brushing, to how to make a good decision, to good manners, to a strong work ethic.

But most of all, we want our kids to know how much God loves them. And our hearts’ desire is to see them love God in return and to live their lives for Him.

Several years ago, C. asked Jesus to be his savior, and began a personal relationship with God. We didn’t “command” him to be baptized. Instead, we waited. We wanted him to come to this decision on his own. Declaring his love for God in front of others would need to be his choice, and this year, he was ready. He told us at the beginning of the year that he wanted to be baptized.

He attended a short class at our church — just to confirm that he understood what baptism was, and what a relationship with God was all about. And this past weekend, he was part of our church’s “celebration weekend.”

More than 40 people were baptized over the course of the weekend. And C. was the very first. He was a little nervous. After all, everyone was watching. He’d be dunked under water in front of a crowd of people, with all the attention focused on him. But he did just fine.

Our family gathered around him (C.’s grandparents, a cousin, an uncle, Chad, L.(4), and me), and one of our pastors baptized C.

I can’t explain the feeling I had, watching my son take this big step. I was overwhelmed with love, with thankfulness, and with excitement.

We grown-ups are good at taking these emotions and funneling them into not much more than a big smile. But L. took it a bit further. As C. headed to the back to dry off and Chad returned to our seats with L., L. clapped his hands and shouted, “Yea, C.! Yea, C.! Yea, C.!” Though he’s too young to understand the symbolism or implications of C.’s baptism, he could sense that this was an exciting and wonderful occasion.

And it truly was. We’re so thankful for C., and for his desire to follow God and live for Him. We loved celebrating this milestone with our family and our church. And we pray that God would bless C. and guide him throughout his life.

Filed Under: Faith, Family 14 Comments