Faith

Jul 18, 2011

Forgiveness from a five-year-old

I got L.(5) settled into bed Friday night, following the usual routine.

Jammies were on, teeth were brushed, and Daddy got his hugs and kisses. Then the two of us climbed into L.’s bed and read one of my personal favorites, Calvin Can’t Fly.

We talked about starlings and flying and books, and we giggled a bit.

But before L. started his bedtime prayer, I had to tell him something.

“L.,” I said. “Can you look at me?”

“Yeah, mom?” he asked, turning so his blue eyes took in my gaze.

“I need to tell you that I’m really sorry for yelling at you earlier today. Remember when I did that?”

“Yeah. When you were putting the bikes on the car.”

***

Earlier in the day, I’d had the bright idea to take both boys to the local bike trail, so the three of us could enjoy a little ride. The idea itself wasn’t bad, but perhaps the spontaneity wasn’t ideal.

I had never put the bike rack on the car before (Chad always does that). I had never put bikes onto the bike rack before (Chad always does that too). It was hot. And my bike is heavy and shaped in such a way that it has to be put on the rack in a really weird way (and yes, Chad always handles that part, too).

C.(12) was incredibly helpful, but still, at one point I found myself sweaty, frustrated, and holding a heavy bike up in the air while realizing that my current approach to bike-rack-loading was simply not working.

L.(5) — not wanting me to forget his bike — pushed his bicycle over just then and stood with it, right next to me, right under the bike I was holding in the air.

And…I’m sure you can see it coming. Instead of responding with grace and kind concern, I yelled at him. I snapped at him. I ordered him to get back in the garage and just. wait. right. there.

He did. Patiently, he sat in the garage and waited until I finished loading bikes.

Ugh. I’m embarrassed to even recall it. It wasn’t a pretty moment. Yes, I was concerned that I would drop a bike on him. But was my response the right one? Far from it.

***

“That’s right, buddy,” I continued, smoothing his bed quilt where it lay on his shoulder. “When I was putting the bikes on the car. I yelled at you to get back in the garage and that wasn’t very nice of me. I should have spoken to you more kindly, and I should have let you know that I was concerned, instead of just sounding angry. I’m really sorry, L.”

“Mom?” he said. “I really, really forgive you.”

And that was that. As far as he was concerned, it was over.

***

I wish I could say that this incident was 100% out of character for me. I wish I could say that I never, ever yell at my kids, and that I always speak to them with just the right amount of gentleness mixed with just the right amount of firmness, surrounded with just the right amount of love.

But I can’t. I don’t think of myself as a “screamer,” but there are days, there are moments, when I respond out of frustration rather than love, when I’m quick to yell instead of quick to communicate. When I over-react. When I snap at my kids.

There have been other nights like last Friday, where we get to bedtime and I once again look one of my sons in the eye and apologize for my behavior.

And time after time, I’m amazed at their response. Yes, they remember the moments I’m apologizing for, but they don’t hesitate to forgive me. They don’t tell me that they’ll “try” to forgive me.

They just do.

Right away.

Completely.

And it’s over. No hard feelings. No grudges.

Just forgiveness. And love.

The forgiveness my children offer me is a grace that overwhelms me. It reminds me of the sure and complete forgiveness God offers us when we confess our sins to Him. It is more than I deserve.

And it spurs me on, makes me want to be a better mom, drives me to prayer, asking God for the grace and help to love my children better today than I did yesterday, and to love them better tomorrow than I do today.

Filed Under: Faith, Family 5 Comments

May 23, 2011

One year in

written by katrina · 7 Comments

This past Sunday, we enjoyed our small group’s annual “summer kickoff picnic.” Hamburgers and hot dogs, salads and pasta, and of course…dessert. All enjoyed with great company, good conversation, and plenty of space for the 18 kids to run around.

Though it’s an annual picnic, this was only the second such picnic our family attended. Last summer was our first, and it was actually the very first thing we did with our small group.

[Quick aside: For those of you who are wondering, "What in the world is a small group?" here's a quick explanation. In our church and others, small groups -- also called 'life groups' -- are created for the sake of "doing life together." We study God's word together, pray for each other, support each other, and essentially enjoy Christian fellowship and community together.]

The small group we belong to has been together for more than ten years. But about a year ago, two of the couples left the group to start new “life groups,” and we were honored to be asked (along with another couple) to join the group.

Well, we were mostly honored. But also a little bit nervous.

See, if you were looking for words to describe Chad and me, you might start with “introverted.” Then you’d quickly have to add on “homebodies.” And sometimes you might even want to throw in “socially awkward.”

It’s not that we don’t like people. We just aren’t always comfortable in social situations.

So joining a group of people whom we knew a little bit (mostly just to say “hello” to in the halls of church) and committing to “doing life” with them…well, we knew that for us, it would be an adventure. We’d be stepping out of our comfort zone and into something brand new.

At one point, C.(12) told me that he was surprised we had actually gone through with it and had become part of a small group. “It doesn’t really seem like your thing,” he said.

And he was probably right — it hadn’t been “our thing” before. In fact, left to our own devices, we might not have ever actively sought out a small group. But it was pretty clear by the way God orchestrated the whole thing, that when we were asked, we needed to say “yes.”

So here we are, one year later. What have we done?

Last summer, we enjoyed getting to know everyone through a bunch of fun social activities. Girls’ nights and guys’ nights out, overnight trips to a nearby lake, the summer kickoff picnic, and the infamous very cold camping trip.

In September, we began meeting every other week. We spent the first few months taking turns sharing our life stories. We talked about our spiritual journeys, our family backgrounds, our heartaches, and our heroes. More than a few tears were shed, and it was really a wonderful way for us to get to know each other — especially for the two new couples.

Then we dove into a book study for the rest of the year. We picked Crazy Love by Francis Chan. If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend that you do. This book shook us up, made us think, ignited deep conversations, and kindled in each of us a desire to love God more and follow Him more whole-heartedly.

Here’s the thing: I could have read Crazy Love on my own, and I’m sure it would have impacted me greatly. I could have read it with Chad and had some good conversations about it. But reading it with our small group really deepened the experience. With twelve people — different personalities, different backgrounds, different perspectives — we explored the book’s principles from many different angles. It was good for me to hear perspectives that didn’t line up 100% with my own, and it was helpful to hear what parts of each chapter really stuck with other people.

Time after time, as Chad and I drove home from small group, I would say, “That was good… I really enjoyed the conversation… I’m so glad we joined this group…”

And I am. Yes, homebody, introverted, and socially awkward Katrina — so glad to be part of a community. So glad that I got to know them, study with them, pray with them.

Oh, and laugh with them. There was a lot of laughter this year. Heart-healing, stress-relieving, day-brightening laughter.

As far as we know, they’re going to let us stay in the group. At least, no one has said anything about us being voted ~~off the island~~ out of the group. I figure, if they didn’t kick me out after my post about the camping trip, we should be in the clear. (I also employed a secret strategy of bringing a few yummy desserts to group functions, and I think that helped.)

I guess being part of a small group might be “our thing” now. We’ve certainly seen the value and the blessing and the friendship and the enjoyment that we’ve reaped over the past year. And we’re looking forward to the next year, and the one after that, and the one after that…

I don’t know what your community looks like. I don’t know if you have friends to walk through life with. Maybe you go to a small church and share deep connections with many of the people there. Or maybe you are just naturally drawn to connect with others.

But if you’re anything like me — an introvert in a large church — and if you’ve wondered whether you should join a small group or a life group or an adult Sunday school class, let me encourage you to take that step. I know it’s a little scary, and yes you might be nervous and feel like you’re going to say all the wrong things. But give it a try anyway. I really think it will be worth it.

Filed Under: Everyday Life, Faith, Friendship 7 Comments

May 10, 2011

An unreliable guide

written by katrina · 5 Comments

It took me forever to figure out what to put above our fireplace mantel. For years — yes, years — I debated between a mirror, a picture, and… something else, something as yet undiscovered.

So for years, there was just nothing there.

Finally, in the fall of 2009, as I was paging through a catalog, I just knew. I wanted to hang a clock there. We don’t have a clock in the family room, and since our family is a bit obsessed with being able to know what time it is, at any given second of the day, I thought a clock would be perfect. Besides, a nice big, decorative timepiece would not only give us the time, but would look good, too.

I found the clock I wanted, placed the order, and a week later, Chad was hanging the clock above our fireplace.

For more than a year, we enjoyed everything about the clock. It kept us on schedule, made sure C. never missed the school bus, got us to church on time, and added a nice touch to our family room.

But then, something happened.

Our clock became unreliable.

It didn’t just stop working. That would have been too easy. Instead, it became erratic.

It would work fine for days, but then lose 10 or 20 or 30 minutes overnight.

Then it would poke along at a too-slow pace for a week or two. And one morning I’d wake up and it would be behind by four hours.

I changed the batteries, but that didn’t do any good.

Occasionally, the clock would seem to revive itself. For days, it would track time perfectly. Then all of a sudden, it would stop for 15 minutes, only to pick right back up again. Inexplicably, most of the time it seems to slow down overnight, when we’re not keeping an eye on it.

The bottom line is, even though it is occasionally right, and occasionally functioning properly, we can no longer depend on our clock.

Before I finally admitted this fact to myself, there was a near school bus miss, a confusing morning or two, and a husband who wondered why I was headed to bed when it was only 8:00. Even when the clock appears to be doing fine, we can’t count on it, because there’s a very good chance that it is, in fact, acting up again…losing time.

Now if we see a family member glance up at the clock for reference, we’re quick to remind: “The clock might be wrong” or “Don’t go by that clock.”

I haven’t taken it down yet because I’m stubborn. I refuse to get rid of it when I’ve had it less than two years. And because I bought it on sale (hm…wonder why it was on sale), it would probably cost more than I’d want to pay to have it repaired.

So for now, the clock still hangs above our fireplace, looking pretty. I adjust it almost every morning. And I remember to not plan my next move based on that clock. Instead, I turn to an accurate timepiece, like the one on my wrist.

How many other “unreliable guides” do I need to identify in my life…and then ignore?

Do I let my community and the local culture tell me what kind of car to drive…or how to raise my kids…or what things are most important in life? Do I depend on the Pottery Barn catalog to decide how much money I should spend on home decor? Do I base my relationship decisions on television dramas?

When it comes down to it, I’m surrounded by plenty of unreliable guides — people and things and situations that offer false direction and the illusion of wisdom.

And just like the clock on my wall, they need to be ignored. There are other places I can turn for accurate guidance, starting with God’s Word.

Filed Under: Everyday Life, Faith 5 Comments

May 5, 2011

A change of plans

written by katrina · 11 Comments

I had some plans lined up for yesterday morning while L. was at preschool. Nothing really major or earth-shattering, but still…plans. And I was looking forward to them.

Chad had offered to pick L. up at school in the very likely chance that my plans overflowed beyond pick-up time. I was all set. I had even decided to pick up a yummy Mocha Coconut Frappuccino to kick off my grand morning.

But then, at 8:22 a.m., I received an email informing me that the plans were off. They just weren’t going to happen. We’d have to reschedule.

I was fine. I mean, I could still enjoy a frappuccino, right? And I did have a bunch of errands that I needed to run. And yes, rescheduling would work. It would be okay.

But if I’m honest with you, I have to admit that I don’t really like when my plans get changed. Especially at the last minute.

Maybe it’s because I’m ~~a control freak~~ diligent about scheduling things. Perhaps I just [strongly] prefer order to uncertainty. Or maybe it’s because a part of me thinks life is all about me and I get miffed when the world dares to mess with my established plans.

I enjoyed my coffee. I ran my errands. I headed back to preschool to pick up L. and head home for lunch. But as I was buckling L.’s seatbelt in the preschool parking lot, I heard a friend who was parked nearby exclaim, “Oh no, this never happens!”

It turns out, she was locked out of her car. Along with her son, her daughter, and her daughter’s friend. Her purse and keys taunted her from just inside the door, but it was no good. Every door was locked.

After a quick phone call to determine that her husband couldn’t come rescue her for a while, we decided to pack everyone into our car. I’d gladly drive them home — or anywhere else they needed to go. L. just happens to have a crush on my friend’s little girl, and I was happy for some time to chat with a friend.

As we got everyone settled in, my friend said, “You know what I love? I love a change of plans!” She told me that when something unexpected happens or when someone just drops by, or things seem to go wrong, she loves it. She looks forward to what will come of it.

I confessed that I usually don’t like a change of plans. I tend to get stressed out or frazzled when things don’t go the way they’re “supposed” to go.

Of course, I didn’t mind at all changing our meager lunch plans to drive them where they needed to go. But if it had been me who got locked out of the car? I wouldn’t have been nearly as gracious and pleasant as she was. I wouldn’t have been anticipating a delightful turn of events. I might have even been grouchy.

We thoroughly enjoyed our car ride. L. was thrilled to have some company, and my friend and I talked about everything from books to kids’ allowances. It really was a delightful addition to our day.

And as L. and I headed home, we talked about how the change of my morning plans (while maybe not exactly welcome in my mind at first) had enabled me to be at preschool at pick-up time and gave us the opportunity to help some friends and enjoy their company. The “inconvenience” of rescheduling my own plans is really nothing compared to the day we ended up having.

Why is it so hard for me to trust that God orchestrates these twists in my schedule? Proverbs 16:9 has long been a favorite verse of mine: “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” But yet, when my course is adjusted, it still takes me a while to get over myself and to watch for what God has planned.

I’m in good company, though, I suppose. C.S. Lewis said:

The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s “own,” or “real” life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life—the life God is sending one day by day; what one calls one’s “real life” is a phantom of one’s own imagination. This at least is what I see at moments of insight: but it’s hard to remember it all the time.

Here’s hoping that next time I encounter an unexpected change of plans, I can react more like my friend…and look forward to whatever it is that God has in store!

Filed Under: Everyday Life, Faith 11 Comments

Jan 4, 2011

Reading Through the Bible, Part 2

written by katrina · 6 Comments

See yesterday’s post for a little background on my Bible-reading in 2010.

Now, where did I leave off? Oh yes, I had chosen my plan, gathered my resources and began reading through the Bible…

How I made it all the way through

Doing my readings in January was a breeze. February, too. Even March. But somewhere around April, I stumbled a bit. I allowed busyness and stress to be excuses for “missing” a reading here and there.

At one point (I think in June), I actually found myself 21 days behind in my Bible reading! I hadn’t missed three weeks straight, but missing a day here and a day there, and a couple days now and then…had led me to this slacker state.

But this time, instead of just giving up, I hung in there, caught up, and even finished a couple days early. Why? Here are a few reasons:

I had some accountability. I didn’t blog about my goal, and I didn’t tell a whole lot of people. But I did let my husband know, and I told my good friend Jennifer. Jennifer would occasionally ask me how my reading was going; knowing that she might be checking in on me helped me stay (or get back) on track. Chad was a great encourager. He gently prompted me to hang in there when I was behind, and was quick to cheer when I caught up.
I was flexible with my reading. The perfectionist in me would have loved if I had read from my ESV Study Bible, in our library, next to the bay window, every morning at 8:00 a.m. But real life doesn’t always make that possible. So to keep up with my reading, I read everywhere — in the doctor’s office, sitting in the car line at Starbucks, in bed, at the kitchen counter, and — yes — by the window in our library. Using my iPod touch helped tremendously — no excuses for not reading just because I didn’t have my Bible with me.
The plan I used ended with 2 Chronicles! I mentioned in yesterday’s post that during previous Bible-reading attempts, I often got bogged down in 2 Chronicles. You might say I had a bit of a mental block against that book. But unbeknownst to me, the plan I chose actually finished the year with 2 Chronicles and Malachi, so I had no mental excuses to give up in May or June.
This is probably the biggest reason of all: When I found myself behind in my reading, I told myself that finishing late was better than not finishing at all. Even if it took me until sometime in 2011, the benefits of reading God’s word were real. It would be better to just keep reading, and finish after my intended goal, than to quit because I was “failing.” So I just kept reading. And that, in the end, was key.

What I learned

I know that in the grand scheme of things, reading my Bible in a year is not some “great accomplishment.” As I was plodding my way through, I watched people on Twitter and Facebook and in the blog-world reading their Bibles in 90 days. (90 Days!!) I know that many people read through their Bibles each and every year. But for me — with my past history of starting and failing and starting and failing — reading all of God’s word in one year was a good thing.

I was reminded repeatedly that in Christian circles, we tend to take verses out of context. Time and time again, I would come across a familiar verse and say, “Oh yeah, I remember — that’s where that verse comes from.” And it would sometimes have very little to do with how we tend to interpret and apply those familiar snippets. It’s important to make sure we read Scripture from a broader perspective so we can better see how it all fits together.

I discovered jewels in every nook and cranny of the Bible. Even my once-dreaded 2 Chronicles now has multiple bookmarks and notes as I once again witnessed how God has worked in and through history.

I learned that with a plan, some accountability, an attitude to “just keep reading,” and — above all — God’s grace, this is something that I can do, no matter how many times I tried and failed in the past.

What comes next

Will I be reading through the Bible in 2011? No. Instead, I’ve decided to spend some more concentrated time on specific books of the Bible, starting with Philippians and Colossians.

But I do think one of these years, I’ll tackle the Bible in its entirety once again. God taught me so much in 2010, about His sovereignty, His grace, and His relentless love — I’m so glad I didn’t miss out on that!