Dear Load of Laundry,
I’m sorry. I left you in the dryer way too long and you have become hopelessly wrinkled. Sadly, this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Far from it.
I often completely forget about you and your relatives as you sit patiently in the dryer — clean, dry, and warm — awaiting the moment when I will rescue you, fold you, and put you away. Instead, I’m reading or surfing the Internet or sipping coffee or making dinner. Not thinking about laundry. And there you sit.
You know what’s even worse? I’m not going to iron you. Those parts of you that are salvageable, I’ll hang up and hope for the best. The rest of you might find yourselves back in the dryer for a quick refresher. And I’ll try not to forget you this time.
Regretfully,
A deficient laundress
***
Dear Paper,
Where do you come from? I don’t mean in some abstract “how-is-paper-made-from-trees” kind of way. I mean in the very concrete “where in the world does all this paper in my house come from” kind of way.
Oh, I know, I have two kids. One of them brings home piles of paper from school. The other is eternally drawing, coloring, writing, cutting, pasting and otherwise using paper and littering it about the house.
But still. Paper. Try to contain yourself. How about you just stay on the coffee table and not encroach on any other flat surface in my home? Deal?
Warmly,
A woman who is not afraid to use her shredder
***
Dear Deer,
As a general rule, I have nothing against you and your kin. I love to watch you grazing in the fields. Your fawns are always adorable. And I haven’t caught you eating the plants in my garden (yet).
But next time you see me driving down the road, do me a favor. Please stay in the woods. Kindly do not run into my car and then gallop off into the darkness like you did Monday night. My checkbook and my insurance adjuster just don’t appreciate that kind of behavior.
I hope you’re as okay as you seemed to be, but we’ll get along much better if you stay off the road when I am on the road.
Thanks,
Reluctant deductible-payer

One of my most favorite parts of each morning is that special time when I turn on the Keurig, brew a mug of awesomeness, stir in the requisite amounts of cream and sugar, and sip my way into coffee delight. It doesn’t matter how hot it is outside — I still want my mug of warm coffee in the morning.

I’m not nearly as stressed out as I should be.










Recent Comments