Unsent Letters

Dear impatient teenage driver,

I’m very glad that you managed to slam on your brakes and avoid hitting me in the Panera parking lot the other day. For future reference, driving at 40 mph in a parking lot is generally not a great approach. You’ll hit far fewer people if you keep your speed appropriate for the environment.

I’m also glad that I didn’t see you crash into any other vehicles. Although, when you chose to roar past me once we were on the main road, and then run a just-turned-red light, I was concerned that an accident was imminent.

I know you’re young and invincible and that you don’t have time for us old fogeys. But for your own good, and that of those around you, please exercise caution while driving.

Sincerely,
A concerned “older” driver

**

Dear expired medicine,

Are you multiplying behind closed doors? Because really, I don’t know where all of you come from. As I’m cleaning things out in preparation for our move, I’m honestly shocked at the amount of expired over-the-counter pharmaceuticals in our home.

Or perhaps instead of multiplying, you all got together and changed your expiration dates when I wasn’t looking. Because it seems you’ve all expired in the last three months. Couldn’t you spread out your expiry dates a bit more?

Warmly,
Someone who’s thankful the Nyquil wasn’t expired

**

Dear books,

I love you. You know that, right? It seems I can never have too many books.

Well, except for right now, maybe.

Because as I pack you all into boxes, preparing to move you to our new home, I’m struck by the sheer number of you. And also, the sheer weight of you.

It is not going to be easy to move the many, many, many pounds of books we own to a new location. My back will surely complain.

So please don’t take offense, but I’ll probably never move you again. You’ll either live out your years in our new house, or get donated, sold, shared, or otherwise disposed of. Because I never want to pack, move, and unpack this many boxes of books again.

Love,
Your mostly-devoted owner

**

Dear strangers at the grocery store,

Look. I’m tired, okay?

And no, your eyes were not deceiving you.

It’s true that the other day, as I approached the automatic exit door — yes, the one that automatically opens for all of us shoppers — I lifted my car key/remote-door-unlocker-thingy, pointed it at the automatic grocery store door, and clicked the Unlock Button repeatedly.

Like I said, I’m tired. And I have a lot on my mind.

But the door opened after I did that, didn’t it? I rest my case.

Exhaustedly yours,
The crazy woman at the grocery store

Comments

  1. LMAO I love all of these…
    I hate when people speed through the parking lots!! I go into like protective momma bear mode.

    Books are the worst to move! We have 2 huge plastic tubs full downstairs and I just can’t stop buying more. I realized the other day that my husband and I look like book hoarders. We had a cable guy come over to hook up DVR in our bedroom and both nightstands have obscenely large stacks of books on them. Our bookshelf has neat rows of books and then stacks of books on top and in front of those and then there are 2 large stacks of books in front of the bookshelf. haha!

  2. I’m am laughing so hard at the last one. Maybe because I’m over tired myself. Yes, sounds like something I would do.

  3. I recently had the same experience with meds. Why do have so many in my house? And why were so many of them expired? I love the picture of you with your keys out to open the grocery door. I’m sure I’ve done that too!

  4. Giggle giggle at the last one! oh yes the teenage drivers.. they (me at that age included) need to slow down and realize they aren’t invincible. I might lump college students into this category as well.. living in a college town makes me think the same thing about them as well! ohh books are no fun to move!

  5. You and old fogeys just do not mesh. Something wrong there.

    I’ve done the lock opener at the wrong car in a parking lot. Felt pretty embarressed. Love the grocery door, though.

  6. Smiling at the last one!

    My husband has announced that he is not moving certain things again — but thankfully he has. We went from two full bookcases and two half ones in our old house to three in the new one — I got rid of some books but have some in boxes that I couldn’t bear to part with.
    Barbara H.´s last post ..GrandmaMy Profile

  7. That last one made me laugh so hard! These are all such good points. I think we can all relate to them! Good luck with the packing!

  8. Poor Katrina!

    I choose to see the first letter as a positive. I’m glad you got to go to Panera :)

    I accumulated a LOT of books in Connecticut. We had paid movers boxing up and unloading, and they too were overwhelmed by all the books. They are heavy!

  9. I love it, you’re hilarious Katrina! Perhaps you should lay off the Nyquil, it appears to have made you loopy. :)

  10. Dear blogger wife,
    That was a funny blog, I enjoyed reading it very much. You make me smile.
    Sincerely,
    Husband

  11. I’m up too late reading blogs when I should probably be in bed. But that one was definitely worth it. Thanks for the good laugh! :)

  12. Oh my! Your last letter really tickled me. Thanks for the laugh.

  13. =D Moving is such a revealing process, isn’t it!?

  14. My family is now wondering what on earth I’m laughing my head off about. That last one was too funny. Ouch about the poundage of books, but who can live without them?

  15. so… I am sitting here with a head cold… just catching up on some blogs… when I read your dear strangers in the store note.. and almost peed… I did that the other day… I was so glad that( I think)
    no one saw me…… your so funny.

  16. You are so funny! loved the one about the car remote at the grocery store.

  17. Giggling at the car door unlocker thingy and groaning at the thought of moving all my books (but stressed even more at the thought of getting rid of them! chuckle).

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