The other night, I was getting a quick dinner on the table before running out to the grocery store. Things were a bit hectic, but no more than usual at the end of an average day around here.

“Where are you going?” C.(12) asked.

“The grocery store,” I replied.

His eyes widened a bit and he said, “Sorry.”

“Why?” I asked. “What are you sorry for?”

“For asking,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you mad.”

Mad? I wasn’t mad. In fact, I was pretty happy. I assured him that I wasn’t mad, but he insisted that I sounded upset when I told him where I was going.

I reiterated that indeed, I was not upset in the least, and then turned to Chad, confident that because he’s been married to me for more than 17 years and because he knows me so well, he would back me up here.

“I didn’t sound upset, did I?”

“Um…..no??” was his answer. Not convincing. At all.

*

Sadly, this wasn’t the first time I’d been accused of sounding upset or angry or grouchy or stressed out…when in reality, I was no such thing. I’ve even been accused of looking upset when I’m in total “neutral mode” — reading or surfing the internet or knitting or baking or any of a number of other mundane activities that create very little emotional reaction in me.

Obviously, there’s a disconnect here. Either:

• My tween (and my husband too, apparently) misinterprets my facial and voice cues so that he thinks I’m upset when I’m not, OR
• I’m genuinely, but unknowingly, coming across as upset when I do not consciously feel upset.

Here’s the thing. Both the tween and I have personalities that lean decidedly toward the melancholy side. So it’s entirely possible that I come out sounding more like Eeyore (or an upset version of Eeyore) than I intend, AND C. hears and sees me through Eeyore-tinged filters, resulting in the appearance of way more angst and misery than actually exist.

I’m not really thrilled with this situation. I know how important it is for moms and wives to be “thermostats” in their homes — setting the emotional tone for the family. And I don’t want to come across as a miserable or perpetually-upset mom. But I feel a bit unsure of how to change the current situation. I’ve made a very deliberate effort to be cheerier and smilier (is that a word?), and I don’t think it’s working. A certain someone still thinks I’m upset or stressed far too often.

Is this just part of interacting with an almost-teen? These communication disconnects?

Maybe we’ll adjust soon and be able to accurately convey and interpret emotions.

In the meantime, I’m thinking I should get some kind of flashing sign for my forehead. It can blink a big ol’ smiley face when I’m feeling fine, and then blink a warning/danger symbol for those times when I’m actually upset or stressed. That wouldn’t be too weird, would it? The more I think about it, the more it sounds like a good idea…