“You know, I’m getting really tired of being ‘Other.’”
This declaration came out of nowhere from my 9-year-old the other day while we were running errands.
Before responding, my mind raced in circles, trying to figure out what he could possibly mean.
- Did he feel like he wasn’t fitting in somewhere? In the family? At school? At church?
- Was he getting teased by classmates for some natural personality trait?
But no…nothing that drastic. He was merely talking about soda.
Since the very first time C. got a soda at a fast food restaurant, he’s felt compelled to push in the appropriate plastic bump-button on the lid. And since he always gets a Sprite (not a cola, not a diet, not a root beer), he is forever pushing down the “Other” button. And he was tired of it. And decided to share that fact with me.
I told him he could always order a root beer next time, and then we chatted about how I almost misinterpreted his comment to mean something much more serious. He assured me that he feels fine about his social interactions, and we moved on to the next topic of conversation.
Yesterday, we went through the Wendy’s drive-through after church and one of the items we purchased was a cinnamon roll. (I ate half and can recommend them — yummy.) C. finished it off and as he prepared to throw away the box, he noticed something:
The box for the cinnamon roll had little flaps that could be pushed in (similar to the buttons on a soda lid) to designate a variety of the [relatively] new breakfast items Wendy’s offers. And one of the options — much to C.’s delight — was “Special.”
He was quick to tell me that he’d much rather be “Special” than “Other.”
Yeah, me too. Even though “special” is technically a kind of “other,” it’s still nicer to be associated (or have your fast-food choices associated) with a word that has a positive twist.
Right then, I decided: I’m going to try to put that into practice this week — choosing my words for positive effect.
- Word choice can be the difference between a discussion with my husband and an argument with my husband.
- Word choice can be the difference between lovingly disciplining a child and discouraging him.
- Word choice can be the difference between building a friendship and tearing it down.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.– Ephesians 4:29
(And C., since I know you like to read my posts, let me assure you that you are, indeed, special to me!)
That’s a really cute and funny way to learn a great lesson.
Thanks for sharing!
How true is the conclusion of this post!
As analylitical as I am, it is hard to not just coldly explain what it is that I am observing. It took me a couple of years to figure out why my wife could not appreciate a little observation about what it was that she was doing, or that extra special time she spend working on something.
It turns out that my words were chosen poorly, and I was tearing down her self esteem in a rapid fashion.
I spend more time thinking before I speak now, and the only aggravation that causes is that she knows that I am PLANNING on saying something, and ask the preemptive,”What are you thinking?”. However, this works much better for us.
By the way, C. is a VERY special guy, and I miss reading his musings.
Great post! If I may quote Bob, “God made[us all] special and he loves us very much.”
As an aside…God’s description for Himself is “holy” which roughly translates to “other, completely different, beyond what man can fully comprehend”. And we are called to be holy (other, different than the world we live in).
I like special too, but I hope that in many ways I will be “other” in service to our Father.
PS, by the way, I think you are pretty special. C. too.
What a great post and conversation with C.! You are very correct in that word choice can dictate the response you get from the individual.
Katrina, I like special more than other. Other seems like you have NO catagory. Also, I never push any of the hickies on my soda lids. I know what’s in it. Let others guess. Love, Mom
I love this – it’s amazing sometimes what comes out of the mind’s of kids.
And so true.
What a great story!
I’ve read about the power of words in parenting — using words that have a neutral or positive connotation instead of a negative one, and it’s true — not only in what their perception is about it, but what mine is.
Special — not difficult.
So true — word choice can make tons of difference. It’s hard sometimes to stop and think how to frame words rather than just blurt them out, especially as multi-tasking moms. But I am reminded of the verse “The heart of the righteous studieth to answer” (Proverbs 15:28a).
I like that thought! And need it today – thank you!
Excellent post, Katrina! I also need to remember the tone that I add to those words!
Just what I needed to hear! Thanks, Melissa
I loved this post. I could just hear my daughter coming up with somethng like that. I’m so glad your son ges to be “special” instead of “other” now.
Also, laughing (with you not at you) at the immediate Mommy concern about the not fitting in, or being teased, when HE was just talking about soda.
Thanks.