I’m a bit of a freak about our home’s thermostat. It seems I’m constantly adjusting the temperature. We have one of those nifty programmable ones, and I do have my “winter” and “summer” programs set for optimal home enjoyment (balanced with optimal budget enjoyment, of course). But I still can’t leave those little buttons alone. If I feed L. in the middle of the night and his feet feel cold, I’ll make a detour down to the thermostat before I go back to bed, just to bump up the temperature by one degree. If I come in from a sweltering day and just can’t cool down, I’ll knock off a degree for 30 minutes or so, in order to get comfy a wee bit faster.

I struggle with extreme temperatures of either kind, and have been known to complain in various seasons about how I wish it were summer (or fall…or spring…). We lived in a home without air conditioning for seven years and I had to bite my lip all summer long to keep from being a completely annoying grouch! It’s a good thing I was born in this day and age, since I can be so picky about our home’s climate. It’s wonderful to be able to push a button and…voila: perfect temperatures! The thermostat is a wonderful thing - making the family happy and comfortable!

In twelve years of marriage and seven years of parenting, I’ve discovered something: I am our home’s “other thermostat.” I play a huge part in setting the emotional climate of our household. Sure, every family member contributes to the overall mood and attitude in the house, but I’ve found that, like it or not, the majority of the temperature-setting falls on me. My husband has told me countless times, “If you’re happy, I’m happy.” And, as any mom knows, if I am disgruntled, dissatisfied, or just plain moody, C. feels and acts all out of sorts, too. What a huge responsibility - to have such an influence on my family’s day-to-day happiness! It’s a responsibility that I think is common to all women.

What I would really like is if I had some cool little buttons to push to change my attitude. One to increase my laughter quotient. One to tone down impatience. Oh, and one that would allow me to have the right perspective in the midst of stress or struggles!

But alas, no buttons. So what do I do when the emotional climate around here needs to be adjusted?

Pray. The bottom line is that I simply cannot bring joy, laughter, and love to those around me on a consistent basis unless I’m soaking up all those things from God. So making sure that the line of communication between God and me is open is the first priority.

Keep my problems to myself. Yes, there are times that issues need to be addressed. But if I’m feeling nit-picky and irritated about little things (like toothpaste on the bathroom mirror or an abundance of crumbs on the family room rug), it’s usually best to just deal with the issue and keep my mouth shut. “Sharing” my frustrations just for the sake of criticism doesn’t do anyone any good.

Share the good stuff. If I hear a story that makes me laugh or a song that lifts my spirit, what better response than to share it with my loved ones, so we can all experience the benefits?

Keep an even keel when others are struggling. Husbands get upset. Kids have melt-downs. Cats freak out and yowl and puke in the basement. My natural responses to those stimuli might be: angrily defending myself, yelling and screaming, and killing the cat. But the better response - the one that is more likely to keep the emotional temperature comfortable - is to stay calm, attempt to gracefully deal with conflicts, and lovingly but firmly get kids through the rough patches. Easier said than done, yes, but a goal nonetheless, and one I have plenty of opportunity to work toward! As for the cat, well, that’s a post for another day…once I figure out what the right response to yowling and puking is.

Use words, actions, and service to make my family feel loved. Whether it’s making sure that the living area doesn’t get too cluttered so that my husband can feel relaxed when he gets home, or making someone’s favorite meal, or saying “I love you” over and over again, there are so many little and big things I can do to make this home a haven for our family. And when they feel safe, happy, and loved here, they’re likely to help me bump the temperature up from “good” to “great.”

How do you keep your home’s emotional temperature at a comfortable setting?

* This post was originally published on July 25, 2006.