I’m going to tell you a secret.
I talk to myself. Regularly.
And I don’t just mean I say “ouch” if I stub my toe. No, I mutter and mumble to myself on a semi-consistent basis. I’ve been known to rehearse conversations that I’m dreading or nervous about while driving. I exclaim over the poopiness of certain poopy diapers. I scornfully tell myself to “watch out for that coffee table” after I stumble into it. And if you were to follow me down the aisle of the grocery store, and if I believed that I was alone in that aisle, you might hear me quietly saying things such as, “I can not believe the price of Grape Nuts” or “Oh come on, where do they keep barley around here?”
I’m personally okay with this wack-o endearing quirk of mine. But I suppose it could lead me into embarrassing situations. I often wonder what people in other cars think when they pull up next to me at the stop light and I’m right in the middle of, “…and furthermore, you need to understand that…” And if someone snuck up beside me at the grocery store, my sudden exclamation over the condition of the tomatoes might cause them to look askance at me.
Or maybe not.
You see, technology is coming to the rescue of crazies self-conversationalists like me. Let me give you an example.
Several months ago, I was meandering through Wal-Mart. I paused to compare the prices of two competing products and noticed that the lady next to me seemed to be doing the same. We both stared at the shelves intently, silently…contemplating. Moments ticked by.
Then, out of nowhere, she let out a, “HAHAHAHA!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! NO WAY! SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!” And I only put that in Bold Caps and included the obnoxiously excessive punctuation for the purpose of literary integrity. That is exactly how she was talking. ( Apparently she didn’t get the memo about using our inside voices in Wal-Mart.)
Anyway, after I landed back on the ground and realized that I wasn’t having a heart attack and that my heart rate was gradually slowing back down, here were my thoughts, in order of occurrence:
- I know! I can’t believe those prices either!
- Hey this lady talks to herself, too. Except she is really loud about it.
- Does she realize that I’m standing right next to her?
All of those thoughts hit my mind in a split-second, and immediately after they passed through, the lady continued talking. “Oh, girl, seriously, I just can’t believe she’d say something like that. You should have told her what she could do with her opinion…” and then she walked off.
Slowly, the realization hit me:
[Let me just pause here to say that while I consider myself fairly knowledgeable in the area of technology, cell phones and their accessories are one area where I remain woefully ignorant. My cell phone is eight years old and hardly ever sees the light of day. So while other people would have figured all this out right away, it took me a minute or two.]
Anyway, the realization hit me: Despite the fact that she was gripping her shopping cart with both hands, she had to be talking to someone. She must be using some kind of technologically advanced gadget that was connected to her cell phone. She wasn’t talking to herself; she was talking to someone else, someone who was probably in Target at that very moment answering, “I know it, girlfriend.”
Ever so stealthily, I followed Loud Lady, determined to catch a glimpse of her communication device. But despite all my maneuverings, I wasn’t ever actually able to see the contraption. I later did some research and discovered that some things called “no-boom bluetooth headsets” for phones are teeny-tiny and could easily be concealed amidst an ’80s-style haircut. Which the Loud Lady had. So, I’m guessing she had one of those nifty things.
Huh.
And here I was, worried that people would think I was crazy because I talk to myself. Now I know that they probably don’t even think I’m talking to myself at all when they see me jabbering in the most unlikely of places. They must just assume that I am very, very hip and that I have some ultra-cool, ultra-small, ultra-chic headset thingamajiggy. And I’m just going to let them go on thinking that.
* This post was originally published on February 8, 2007.
OH. MY. Gosh. You have endeared yourself to me eternally – I loved this post and must have missed it the first time! Thanks for reposting it.
I really needed the smile.
We are a whole family of self talkers (well maybe not Terry). When I think that the kids are a bit crazy, I have to think of myself–certainly at their ages, and occasionally now–and I realize that it’s gonna be okay.
HILARIOUS!!!! We totally felt like that when we got back from the mission field after 1 1/2 years being gone…..we were like WHY are all these people talking to themselves???!!!
Thanks for sharing, you are a sweetie!!
Within the last year I’ve acquired a bluetooth whatchamajig. While I have no problem using it while driving, I’m always self-conscious using it in stores. I take my phone out and make it obvious that I’m talking to “a real person.” I probably still look and sound weird, but it’s just how I am.
Glad you reran this.
*snort* I swore up and down I thought those were the most awful piece of equipment on the planet until…I found I could do a load of laundry, have my then-infant son falling asleep in a sling, and still answer the phone while doing dishes! LOL I don’t use it much anymore but during that “newborn mommy hazing” period, it was a godsend! LOL
Oh, and I’m a “self talker” too but I was encouraged one day when someone mentioned that talking aloud to myself, the Vikings, or the universe in general seemed to make the Vikings exceptionally good conversationalists! *wink*
Oh I know…I love that now I don’t feel weird talking to myself
I just put my bluetooth earpiece on and jabber away…hehehe
Lol, you’re not alone. I can’t stand those little headset things but I talk to myself a lot. 8 times out of 10 I don’t realize I’m doing it!
cannot stand earpieces! My hubby uses one and it drives me nuts when it looks like he may be talking to me and it’s actually one of his buddies. =P I prefer to just talk to myself or my four month old.
Can I borrow that excuse, too? The sad thing is I have a bluetooth head set and I’ve never used it… it’s sitting on my desk right now, charging (has been charging for over a month) reminding me, “Jen it’s safer to use a bluetooth headset while driving you know you should really take me out one day,” and then I say, “I know, I promise I will soon,” And then my son says, “What?”
i sure loved this post. so true, so very, very true…
the talking to myself
and those crazy lookin’ people w/ cell phone ear dealies you can’t see!
Hey, I talk to myself all the time. I haven’t thought about the ear-piece excuse. That’s a good one. It’s always embarassing to glance at another car beside you at the stoplight and they are STARING at you conversing with yourself. Oh well.
That’s funny Katrina! We were just talking about those blue tooth things at a meeting at church this morning and one of the ladies said she prays in the car and used to think people would think she was crazy and now she says she just pretends she has a blue tooth thing and hopes others things the same thing! LOL