We’re just about half-way through summer break, which means that my 9-year-old has been talking for six weeks straight.
Okay, not really, but he is a chatterbox.
And though I try to be a good, engaged, listening mom, there are times when my eyes glaze over or when I don’t even look up from the computer when he’s talking or when I answer “uh-huh” in such a way that he knows I’m not really paying attention. I’m not proud of that, but it’s the truth.
However, in my efforts to listen and engage more, I’ve come across two little techniques that help me do a better job. Maybe they’ll help other moms-to-chatterboxes, too.
1. Notice the color of their eyes when they’re talking to you — I have to admit, I heard this advice on a morning news show once and my first thought was, That’s stupid. I already know the color of his eyes. But I tried it and, lo and behold, it works. When I’m particularly noticing, paying attention to, my son’s eye color, I find I’m a better listener. I’m certainly making eye contact — a critical aspect of showing him that I’m listening — and my eyes are not glazing over because I’m keeping them busy. And since I’m not looking at the computer or a book or anything else, I’m far more likely to hear what he’s saying.
2. Determine to ask a meaningful question about the topic at hand — Because “uh-huh,” “okay,” and “yeah” can often be interpreted by my son as “I’m not really listening,” I recently started challenging myself with this goal. When a new conversation starts (which is approximately every 3.2 minutes), I decide that I will ask him a meaningful, related question when he finishes (or takes a long pause). It might be something as basic as “How did that make you feel?” or “Where did you read that?” but it still shows that I heard him and that I’m engaged in the conversation.
For more tips on a myriad of subjects, click over to Rocks in My Dryer.
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My son is a talker too! Today on the way home from a busy day at Sea World he talked non – stop! My girls were exhausted and resting quietly but my son was MR. CHATTERBOX! I think he was so wired from all of the days excitement. I listened for about 15 minutes and then said “OK Mom needs to concentrate to drive, let’s all have a little quiet time.” I felt bad but my brain started to hurt! Thanks for the suggestions! Elizabeth
Those are good tips.
I have more trouble now with the meaningless (or repetitive) four-year-old chatter in this house.
Amanda has actually slowed down dramatically. Part of it is that she always has her nose in a book, and part of it is that I think she’s become a bit self-conscious of it in general, and this last part I don’t like–she isn’t compelled to tell me everything anymore. Heading towards her tween years, that’s not a good thing.
I have an 11 year old talker. He’s always been a talker. Sometimes, when my son was little, my husband would ask what I wanted for a special day. All I wanted was quiet – without talking, without noise…
Did I mention we currently home school? So the constant talking isn’t limited to hte summer. Oh no it’s not!
I’ve always done the asking questions thing. But I never thought to look at the color of their eyes. Mine weren’t incessant chatterers, but I still find myself zoning out when they’re recounting some bit of kid-oriented randomness.
Now, how to make that work while we’re in the car driving…?
What a gift you are giving C., the gift of your presence and listening.
These are great tips Katrina. I’ll have to put them into practise. My youngest is a chatter box, too. And she’ll just go on forever. It’s so easy to clue her out, but I know that is not fair to her either, because she could be telling me something important right when I happening to be zoning her out.
What an amazing advice. The best I heard in a long time. I have been racked with guilt because I have been zoning out, and he has been acting up. Thank you so much.
what simple ways to love on and respect our kids. great advice. i found you thru wwfm. love your blog!