He enters the nursery with an enthusiastic squeal. All those toys waiting to be played with! Block towers to be built! Puzzles to dump out on the floor! The room designed especially for toddlers will be his kingdom for the next hour or so.
I keep an eye on him. It’s my week to serve in the nursery, and while there are two other helpers, we have ten busy children to supervise — enough to keep us busy.
This particular little boy has a theory: “That toy is mine.”
The theory applies to any toy he is playing with, any toy he was playing with, any toy he wants to play with, and any toy he thinks he might want to play with later. He doesn’t hesitate to grab toys out of other children’s hands, or to play tug-of-war tirelessly — using a death grip on the desired object and loud screams as his weapons of choice. He relentlessly lays claim to anything and everything that catches his eye.
I spend a good chunk of my hour-and-forty-five-minutes of nursery duty letting him know that type of behavior is unacceptable. I return the toy giraffe to the little girl at the table. I point the grabby little boy in the direction of the piles of toys currently un-claimed by his competitors nursery-mates. I say, “No grabbing” more times than I can count.
His response? Initially, he lets out an angry howl, furious that I won’t let him get his way. He might stomp a little foot, flap his arms, even shed a tear or two. But I remain tough. There’s no arguing about it: stealing, grabbing, wrenching or otherwise taking toys from other children simply won’t be tolerated. It only takes 10 seconds or so for him to realize that I won’t give in; he then moves on to his next project. If I’m lucky, it’s a toy that no one else is playing with at the moment.
This little boy is my son, L..
Have you noticed that parenting has a way of taking our pride, crumpling it up in a little ball, and throwing it out the window? I’m suddenly mortified, wondering what the other nursery workers think.
I remember when I was a regular in the 2-year-old room. One particular little guy was known for hurling wooden blocks at other children. I would often think, “Don’t this kid’s parents ever discipline him? They must not, or he wouldn’t act like this!”
And now here I am, the mother of the nursery bully.
In all fairness, he’s not the only bully. Other kids were grabbing toys, arguing over the rocking horse. But my little L. definitely has a lot to learn about social skills, kindness, sharing, and proper behavior.
It’s possible that he is not always a terror. My fellow nursery-worker assured me that the other times she’s watched him, “he was always just a sweet little boy.” Then again, maybe she was just trying to make me feel better.
Yes, we discipline him at home. And for the most part, he’s learned that No means No. Sure, he tests his boundaries, and he can be rather stubborn, but we hold him to the house rules. But apparently, the nursery is a whole new territory for him, one that he thinks he might be able to rule if he tries hard enough.
And so he tries. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
I’m sure that being determined and persistent will pay off for L. in the long run. Those characteristics will serve him well as he grows up. But in the meantime, I’d best dust off my copies of Raising Your Spirited Child and The Strong-Willed Child and engage in a little refresher course. As age 2 approaches, I have a feeling he’ll keep me on my toes.
The little nursery bully turns from the scattered blocks — remnants of an elaborate toddler-built tower. He seeks me out, runs over, and leans his head on me. Then he turns, looks up, and smiles his sweet smile. He’s a toddler, one with much to learn. But one that has stolen my heart.
I’ve often said anyone who spends a bit of time with a 2 year old will not question that we’re born with original sin. The comfort for a mother’s heart is that they all have it, even that angelic-looking little girl with the blonde curls. And yes, Strong-Willed Child, a few of us have read that, at least once! xoxo
I agree with Bev. Each child at that age has their moments. I remember quite a few times the feeling or mortification. LOL. I found whenever I worked nursery my kids would definintely test me to see if the “house rules” applied when we were somewhere else. Hang in there. It’ll connect for him as it did for mine.
And that cute little smile would win me everytime too!
Gosh I looked at your picture and thought holy smokes where did her baby go?!
L. really does exhibit some anti-social behaviors, and I think “how odd, I wonder where those traits came from?” Must be your side of the family:-)
Well, I have to go back to work and boss some people around.
Strong-willed children grow into strong-willed men and women. Good luck channelling that spirit!
By the way, should we let people know that when he is laying on an upside down rug it means he was just chewing on the bottom side of it. Who needs a teething ring when you have rubber carpet backing?!
Well, I can’t see the slobber marks when I zoomed in, so maybe not this time.
So cute – the picture and the head on your shoulder part. I’m sure you didn’t think the bully part was so cute! Oh and maybe it’s the light colored hair but I see a little “Garr” there! Can’t believe he’s almost two!
Is it safe to guess that you won’t be gifting L. a Bull Whip when he is a teenager?
He was asking you this question: “Do you love me enough to mean what you say…everytime and all the time?”
You answered with a resounding, “YES!”
Hang in there. He sounds like a very curious child who will be asking that question many more times in many more ways!
I was very amused by how you assigned him a theory!
My 6 yr. old grandson was reading over my shoulder as I read this post. He said “He’s only 2. That’s what babies do when they are 2.”
Take comfort from the wisdom of a 6 yr. old.
Pride and Parenting … maybe a book title in there somewhere.
“Confidently Opinionated” was once assigned to our family as the theory broadly describing a few traits reminiscent in little L.’s life approach as a toddler. Sometimes providing “bullwhips” to quickly bring out all the latent aspects in childhood behavior is the shortest route to curbing the unacceptable. Might work … at least that’s one parent’s theory.
Now for the humbling part … God’s gifts of children for a brief period to parents without credential, experience or resume (every child is different) requires that the wise parent apply God’s word to observe the subject, develop a hypothesis, test the theory and correct the situation before their time is up. The challenge is that the “subject” is conducting similar tests with their parents, so it’s a rapidly moving target. The unique insight that parents gain into God’s relationship with His children is parodied in the ways that parents and children behave – antisocial behavior being among the first theories to try out to see what happens. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, is the adventure of a lifetime for parents applying Biblical principles to their childhood theories.
Praise God for His patience with us and for wise parents who raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Love
Dad
I think the pic is rather appropriate, he kind of looks devilish! He will most likely be the child that makes you go gray early in life (if he hasn’t already) but he also will be one of those men who still fears his mother no matter how old he is because you are one tough mommy.
Girl- been there done that! Luke is still my challenge but it does get better!
I love how you wrote about this and how you let your love show through the frustration!
Hang in there girl!
You said it well…parenting does indeed take our pride and throw it out the window, leaving us in a heap of humiliation and a mound of mortification…praise God, He promises wisdom to those who ask! And I’m asking! And asking! And asking!
Oh yeah, and I’ve got a “determined and persistent” child as well. Except I call it contrary. Dr. Dobson calls it strong willed and claims that strong willed children will change the world.
If they live that long.
I’ve been in those parental shoes as well. I do think that the pre-2 era is the worst–they still don’t really play together, but they are in settings with other children and expected to “share.”
I also perused Raising Your Spirited Child when Kyle was about 2 1/2. I was actually surprised that although he was really strong in some areas, he didn’t hit a majority of the areas.