When you can’t say "no"

Okay, I know lots of women post about how it’s so hard for them to say “no.” They do everything that everyone and their uncle asks of them, get in over their heads, and then end up in the land of Much Stress. They need to learn how to say, “no.”

But this post isn’t about that.

It’s about L..

L. is 15 months old, and while he does not say any actual words (unless you count Meow as a real word), he has been working hard on making his intentions known. He has a sign for “More” that can serve many purposes (“Do this for me, please”; “Again, again!”; “I want food NOW!”; “Do you see that swingset out there? Take me to it immediately!” just to name a few). He has a sniffing noise for flower and a mouth movement for fish.

And he can nod “yes.”

But he can’t seem to shake his head “no.”

I suppose that’s not entirely true. If I say, “Can you say ‘no’?”, he’ll shake his head. But he has not yet grasped how to use this skill in context.

I guess I should be happy. A friend of mine was telling me that her goal of teaching her son to say “yes” before he said “no” was not quite working. We seem to have accomplished that situation here, but as L. would tell you (if he could only speak), not being able to say “no” creates a few problems.

You see, he’s developed opinions on things like food. And in order to express those opinions, a “no” would come in handy at times.

Here’s a typical scenario at our house:

L. has dutifully eaten his fruit, cheese, pasta, etc. that I had planned for lunch, yet is signing “more.” I go over to the pantry and pull out the cheerios.

“Do you want some O’s?”

He nods yes, I give him some O’s, he eats them. And then he once again signs “more.”

Back to the pantry.

“Do you want some Teddy Grahams?”

And now he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t actually want Teddy Grahams, but he only knows how to say “yes” with his round little head.

A brief look of panic flits across his face as if to say, I don’t know how to tell you what I’m thinking! And then he kind of nods and at the same time lets out a whine of frustration. At first, I didn’t know what that meant. I figured, a nod is a nod, and put some on his tray. Naturally, he tossed them immediately to the floor.

Now that I’ve wised up to his communication efforts, I know this to be true:

A nod with a smile = Yes
A semi-nod with a whine = No

Of course, this method is not going to work forever. I can just imagine him in preschool. The teacher says, “L., would you like the blue crayon?” to which he responds with a half-nod and a loud whine. Not only would he get in trouble for throwing the blue crayon to the floor when she gives it to him, but he would also be labeled as “the whiner.”

Oh, I know. He’ll figure out “No!” soon enough, and most likely in a very loud and emphatic voice. That accomplishment will be shortly followed by “Mine!” And then perhaps, “I want that! And I want it NOW!” Oh, the joy I have to look forward to.

In all honesty, I love watching the budding communication skills of kids. I enjoy the noises, signs, and first words. And I love watching L. nod his head when I’ve guessed something correctly.

Also, perhaps all those women who have trouble saying “no” could learn something from L.. I bet if they tried the “half nod plus a loud whine” response when someone asks them to do something, they won’t get asked again anytime soon. Just a thought.

Random Round-Up

A few random thoughts on this Wednesday afternoon:

1. Today is C.’s first day of school. He navigated the bus transfers, met his teacher, was faced with a huge stack of books on his desk, and greeted his old friends. Pictures will be forthcoming, but are now languishing on my camera.

2. Sick, sick, sick. That would be me. A bit of a scratchy throat yesterday, a sniffle or two, and by bedtime I was confronting a full-blown cold. Yuck. My brain feels like it’s stuffed with all the socks that have been lost by my dryer over the years.

3. My mom called me yesterday and asked me a geometry question and, lo and behold, I was able to answer it correctly so she could figure out awning measurements! Back in 9th grade, the teacher always said this stuff would come in handy. Guess he was right.

4. L., at 15 months, is finally starting to walk. He most certainly will not do it on command, and if we try to stand him up on the floor, his legs turn into noodles and he sinks immediately to a sit. But every now and then, he takes off from the coffee table and lurches two or four or six steps to another random piece of furniture. He’s been taking his sweet time to get to this walking thing, but I bet it won’t be long before he’s running.

5. And now, because a picture is always a good thing to post when I have nothing else to say, here’s a pic of our family, taken last Sunday. L.’s looking a bit dazed, but it was right before naptime, so we decided to cut him some slack.

The Joy is Almost Uncontainable


School starts in less than 48 hours, so today and tomorrow will be filled with pencils, folders, my label-making machine, glue sticks, a non-bendable ruler, and many other exciting things.

Personally, I love this time of year. The feel of a brand-new notebook, cracking open a package of pencil-top erasers, folders without stains or creases…ah, they are beautiful things. Not to mention the fact that I get to print out a myriad of little labels that say “C.” on them, and then stick them on all the magnificent school-enhancing items.

C., however, is slightly less than pleased with the focus of this week.

We made a trip to Barnes & Noble this morning, in an attempt to spend some gift cards I had break up the supply-gathering-and-labeling. But being the multi-tasker that I am, I brought along flashcards for C. to go over in the car.

The joy, it was abundant. That is, as long as loud sighs, grunts of exasperation, and monotone responses signify great joy.

I tried to explain to him how easy he’s had it. After all, I’ve gotten the flashcards out a grand total of zero times this summer, before today. And we watched school buses taking happy little children to their respective schools this morning. C. has another day and a half before he must board the bus of doom glee and he hasn’t had to practice his math facts much at all up until now.

My words of encouragement do not impress him.

I know that once he sees his friends, he’ll be at least a tiny bit happy to be back in school. Not that he’ll admit it to me, mind you. But the prospect of third grade won’t seem quite as miserable. In the meantime, I plan to intersperse a few fun things amidst the school supplies and subtraction practice: a trip to Starbucks (coffee for me, chocolate milk for him), a movie night complete with popcorn, maybe even a board game or two.

But for now, I’ve gotta go. The loose leaf paper and fine-tipped markers over on the dining room table are calling my name.

Game Review: Qwirkle

If you just took a quick glance at Qwirkle, you might think it was a simple game of color and shape matching. Kids’ stuff, right? Well, you’d be wrong. Yes, Qwirkle involves matching colors and shapes, but one play will convince you that while it’s accessible for kids, it’s also a game of strategy and fun for adults. It’s the 2007 winner of the Mensa Select award, and the recipient of a Parents’ Choice award. Our family gives it our personal thumbs-up as well.

Qwirkle

One part Scrabble, one part dominoes, and one part something else entirely, Qwirkle is a game for 2-4 players, age 6 and up. One game lasts about 45 minutes, and it’s easy to learn, teach, and play.

In a nutshell: Qwirkle consists of 108 square, black, wooden tiles. You’ll also need paper and a pen to keep score.

Each tile has a symbol on one side. There are six different symbols (circle, square, clover, diamond, and 2 different stars) that come in six different colors (red, yellow, orange, green blue, and purple). Altogether, the game has 3 copies of each of the 36 specific symbols — e.g. 3 red circles, 3 red squares, 3 yellow diamonds, etc.

Players start by drawing a “hand” of six tiles, which they keep hidden from other players. The rest of the tiles are placed to the side of the playing area and are used as the draw pile. The player who has the most tiles that share a single attribute (color or symbol) goes first, by laying those tiles on the table in a straight line. One caveat: players may not count duplicate tiles (for example, if you have 3 circles, and two of them are orange, you can only count one of those orange circles toward your “most tiles that share a single attribute”).

Example:

Jim and Ann have just started a game of Qwirkle. Jim has 4 red symbols — a square, a diamond, and two circles. Because the second red circle doesn’t count, Jim could play 3 tiles. Ann has 4 diamonds – a green one, yellow one, red one, and blue one. Because Ann can count all four of these, she has the most and will go first by placing her diamonds on the table in a line.

Play now continues around the table, with each player laying down one or more of his tiles in a line, building off the existing tile structure. I know this sounds confusing, so just think of Scrabble. In Scrabble, you build words by laying down one or more of your letters in a single line, building off the existing word structure. Qwirkle works just like that.

But since we’re not building words in Qwirkle, how do you choose which tiles to lay and how to lay them?

In Qwirkle, all the tiles in a single line must share one (and only one) attribute — either a color or a symbol. In addition, there cannot be any duplicate tiles in any line.

Examples of possible lines:
  • A line containing only red tiles (but a variety of symbols, keeping in mind the no-duplicates rule)
  • A line containing only green tiles
  • A line containing only squares (but a variety of colors, keeping in mind the no-duplicates rule)
  • A line containing only circles
  • Etc.

On your turn, you may add to an existing line or create a new line (as long as it attaches to the existing tiles in some way).

Okay, I think we need a visual here. Let’s say that the board looks like this:


Note that line 1 (horizontal) consists of all blue symbols. Line 2 (vertical) consists of all circles. Line 3 (horizontal) consists of all orange symbols. Etc.

Now, let’s say that Jim’s hand looks like this:


Jim has several options. He could add the yellow 4-pointed star and the yellow circle to Line 8 (vertical); however he could not add the yellow diamond, since Line 8 already has a yellow diamond. Alternatively, he could add the blue square to the front of Line 1 OR to Line 7 (along with the orange square, if he wishes).

Here’s another move he could make: Do you see that yellow square in Line 5 (vertical)? He could take his three yellow tiles and build them all out to the left of that square, creating a new line in which all tiles are yellow. He would have to place the 4-pointed star under the green 4-pointed star, in order to match up the symbols, but he’ll score for that new mini-line as well.

Scoring is usually the biggest factor in determining which option to go with. Scoring is simple: you score one point for each tile in the line(s) you create or add to. Again, think Scrabble. In Scrabble, if the word “ton” was on the board and you turned it into “stone,” you would score for the entire word “stone,” not just the letters you added. In Qwirkle, if you add 2 red symbols to a line that already contains 3 red symbols, you would score 5 points. In addition, if the tiles you lay happen to also land in such a way that they add on to other existing lines, you score points for those lines as well. To beat a dead horse, think Scrabble once again. If you turned “ton” into “stone” and the “s” also happened to make a vertical word above it go from “mark” to “marks,” you would score for both “stone” and “marks.”

One more scoring rule: If you happen to “complete” a row, you score an extra 6 points for that turn. An example of “completing a row” would be if there is an existing row containing a green square, a red square, a blue square and a yellow square, and you are able to add the orange and purple squares to it. Remember, because there can be no duplicates, once you have all the symbols of one color, or all the colors of one symbol, that line cannot be made any longer.

Make sense? I hope so. As I’m writing this, I realize it sounds involved, but I promise — after two or three turns, it all falls into place and you can start working on your beat-everyone have-fun-with-your-family strategy.

Each player ends his or her turn by drawing enough tiles from the draw pile to bring their hand back up to six tiles.

Keep track of each player’s score for each turn, adding as you go along (again, just like Scrab well, you know). The game ends when the final tile is played, and the player with the highest score wins.

Qwirkle has been hit at our house. C. picked up on it immediately, and Chad and I en
joy playing with him, or just the two of us. C. prefers to play without keeping score — just seeing what kind of rows and combinations he can make. The game is flexible enough for the three of us to play, with just Chad and I keeping score (because we both like to win evaluate our skills) and letting C. play “just for fun.”

In summary:

Qwirkle

Number of Players: 2-4
Time required: 45 minutes
Ages: 6 and up
Where to buy: Time Well Spent or Mindware, and you might also stumble across it at some specialty toy/game stores. In Canada, you can find Qwirkle at Fun Games Cafe.

Callapidder recommends it: For any families or friends. Qwirkle makes a great after-dinner play-and-chat kind of game. I also think it will appeal to Scrabble-lovers who are looking for something a little different.

Read more of Callapidder’s Game Reviews by clicking HERE.

Read Together Wrap-Up

C. and I participated in Jennifer‘s Read Together mission and we finally finished our book a week or so ago. We have been working our way through The Warriors series for months, and when Jennifer started the mission, we were getting ready to dive into book five of the series, A Dangerous Path.

For those who aren’t familiar with The Warriors, there are currently 3 sub-series in the overall series, and the books center around four clans of wild cats. The books are full of hunting for prey, training younger cats, fighting over territory and power, and even a smattering of kitty cat romance.

This book took us about a month to read, spending 15-30 minutes reading together each night. We did it as a read-aloud. I did most of the reading, but there were several nights when I was exhausted or my throat hurt, and C. took over the job of reading with no hesitation. Other nights, we each took a turn reading.

C. loved the book, as he has loved every book in this series. I enjoyed it as well, although I felt the plot in this book dragged at times.

Some of the things I liked best about reading this book together:

  • The joy of hearing what a great reader C. is. He loves to read on his own, but it was so enjoyable to listen to him read. It’s amazing to watch kids go from barely knowing their alphabet to reading complex sentences and long, involved paragraphs in only a couple years.
  • The chance to discuss ethically questionable behavior. Throughout The Warriors series, one aspect of the characters has annoyed me more than all others: they justify “little lies.” At least once or twice per book, a main character is put in a tough place where telling the truth would make things difficult, escalate a conflict, or anger another character. Over and over, the character rationalizes why he needs to lie. The author includes things like, “He wished he didn’t have to lie, but…” or “He wanted to tell the truth, but…” Argh! How annoying! So I’m glad we’re reading these together, and can discuss what other options the cat would have. We’ve talked about the fact that telling the truth may not always be easy, but that it’s the right thing to do.
  • An opportunity to talk about faith. In A Dangerous Path, Bluestar (leader of Thunderclan) loses her faith in what the cats call Starclan (basically their kitty ancestors, who continue to guide them). She feels that Starclan has let too many horrible things happen and concludes that either they don’t exist or they don’t care. What a perfect segue to talking about faith and how people might lose faith in God when tough times come. I’ve seen it happen more than once: someone questions whether or not God exists when they see all the evil in the world, or they decide that God must not care about them when they’ve suffered a personal tragedy. C. and I had some great discussions about God, His love, and faith as the book went along and [spoiler warning here] I was glad to see that Bluestar’s faith was revived by the end of the book.
  • Time together. This summer has felt crazy, and having a very busy and trouble-making adventurous 1-year-old around means that C. and I don’t have a lot of time to just hang out. But setting aside this time to read together every night ensured that we spent time together daily.

Thanks again, Jennifer, for organizing this fantastic mission!

Click here to read more Read Together wrap-ups.