Okay, I know lots of women post about how it’s so hard for them to say “no.” They do everything that everyone and their uncle asks of them, get in over their heads, and then end up in the land of Much Stress. They need to learn how to say, “no.”
But this post isn’t about that.
It’s about L..
L. is 15 months old, and while he does not say any actual words (unless you count Meow as a real word), he has been working hard on making his intentions known. He has a sign for “More” that can serve many purposes (“Do this for me, please”; “Again, again!”; “I want food NOW!”; “Do you see that swingset out there? Take me to it immediately!” just to name a few). He has a sniffing noise for flower and a mouth movement for fish.
And he can nod “yes.”
But he can’t seem to shake his head “no.”
I suppose that’s not entirely true. If I say, “Can you say ‘no’?”, he’ll shake his head. But he has not yet grasped how to use this skill in context.
I guess I should be happy. A friend of mine was telling me that her goal of teaching her son to say “yes” before he said “no” was not quite working. We seem to have accomplished that situation here, but as L. would tell you (if he could only speak), not being able to say “no” creates a few problems.
You see, he’s developed opinions on things like food. And in order to express those opinions, a “no” would come in handy at times.
Here’s a typical scenario at our house:
L. has dutifully eaten his fruit, cheese, pasta, etc. that I had planned for lunch, yet is signing “more.” I go over to the pantry and pull out the cheerios.
“Do you want some O’s?”
He nods yes, I give him some O’s, he eats them. And then he once again signs “more.”
Back to the pantry.
“Do you want some Teddy Grahams?”
And now he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t actually want Teddy Grahams, but he only knows how to say “yes” with his round little head.
A brief look of panic flits across his face as if to say, I don’t know how to tell you what I’m thinking! And then he kind of nods and at the same time lets out a whine of frustration. At first, I didn’t know what that meant. I figured, a nod is a nod, and put some on his tray. Naturally, he tossed them immediately to the floor.
Now that I’ve wised up to his communication efforts, I know this to be true:
A nod with a smile = Yes
A semi-nod with a whine = No
Of course, this method is not going to work forever. I can just imagine him in preschool. The teacher says, “L., would you like the blue crayon?” to which he responds with a half-nod and a loud whine. Not only would he get in trouble for throwing the blue crayon to the floor when she gives it to him, but he would also be labeled as “the whiner.”
Oh, I know. He’ll figure out “No!” soon enough, and most likely in a very loud and emphatic voice. That accomplishment will be shortly followed by “Mine!” And then perhaps, “I want that! And I want it NOW!” Oh, the joy I have to look forward to.
In all honesty, I love watching the budding communication skills of kids. I enjoy the noises, signs, and first words. And I love watching L. nod his head when I’ve guessed something correctly.
Also, perhaps all those women who have trouble saying “no” could learn something from L.. I bet if they tried the “half nod plus a loud whine” response when someone asks them to do something, they won’t get asked again anytime soon. Just a thought.





















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