It’s 8:30 p.m.
I go into C.’s room first. He’s been reading for the last half-hour, but since he tends to rise at 6:00 in the morning, it’s time for his lights to go off and for him to head for dream-land. But before I kiss him on the cheek and tuck his covers around him, I have one thing to say:
“Take your socks off.”
He sighs heavily, but complies with my demand request.
C. likes to have his feet covered. It’s one of his “things.” And I suppose it’s my fault. I grew up in a house where we pretty much kept our shoes on at all times, and I never even considered running around outside barefoot, unless there was either a sprinkler or kiddy pool involved. Even then, my sandals or flip-flops remained close at hand. So I naturally have raised C. in shoes most of the time. And that habit became something that he has decided to stick to. Bare feet = yucky to him. That’s fine, usually. But in the summertime, at night, in bed, I have to insist upon bare feet. Otherwise, he overheats, gets sweaty and before long, his bedroom smells like (not surprisingly) a dirty sock. My demands are really for the best.
Socks now relegated to the hamper, C. climbs under his sheet, kisses me goodnight, shares a final story or thought, and closes his eyes. I close the door behind me and head across the hall.
L.’s been asleep for an hour or so and he’s softly snoring as he clutches his blue blankey. I have a mission in his room, too — the opposite mission, in fact. Sometime between when I kissed him goodnight and he drifted off to sleep, he removed his socks. Being a typical one-year-old, he loves to remove his socks at every opportunity, presumably to admire his 10 adorable toes. However, since he sleeps with no covers and his room gets cool during the night, I gently, quietly slip his light-weight socks back on those pudgy little feet. He stirs briefly, takes a deep breath, rubs his eye with a fist, and snuggles back to blanket-cuddling.
(I know what you’re thinking — by putting socks on him while he sleeps, I’m creating another child who refuses to have bare feet. But rest assured, he goes barefoot all day long. I promise.)
Two different kids, two different needs at bedtime. C. needs to step out of his comfort zone a little (socks off) and L. needs a little extra warmth (socks on). And I try to do what’s best for each of them.
Socks are the easy part. There are so many other areas where the decisions aren’t quite so simple. Which method of discipline would be best for this child? What challenge does that child need to be encouraged to face and overcome? Do I mete out tough consequences or show mercy in this particular situation?
So often in parenting, I feel like I’m winging it. I take the information and experience I have, and together with Chad, do what we think is best at the moment. Sometimes we’re right, and sometimes we’re wrong. But one thing doesn’t change — at the end of the day, we’re always seeking to do what’s best for each child, to meet their needs in the best possible way.
Oh I definitely agree, what works for one might not necessarily work for the other. I am constantly working towards balance in this area. I think as parents we are pretty hard on ourselves for messing up but it is a learning curve for us just as much as it is for the kids.
Great post!
Laura
This is so sweet. I love how you craft these simple life lessons into such beautiful prose.
I love your stories..You have such a great way of writing
I’m glad you admitted that so often as a parent you feel like you are winging it. The first year of LK’s life, I didn’t feel like that. (He was a very good infant)but after that one year mark I feel like that SOO often and not very many people admit to that. So I needed to hear that, thanks!
And such is the challenge of parenting!! My girls used to swear we were playing favorites when we didn’t use the exact same punishment/reward with each of them. Now, they are starting to understand that different personalities require different handling techniques. Best wishes!!
That was beautiful Katrina! Sigh, my kids are growing up, in their teen years and I still feel like I’m winging it. Just when I think I know what I’m doing off they go onto another phase. But I hope at the end of it all the thing they go away with is that they were well loved and like you said, that we tried to do the best for each of them.
I think you pretty much summed up motherhood: winging it. Doing the best you can with the wisdom you have and trusting God with the rest. Certainly nothing has convinced me of my own insufficiency more than motherhood! And like Susanne, I find the winging it phenomenon to only increase as your children get older! Praise God, He promises to grant wisdom to those who ask…
Great post, Katrina. Well written as always.
Yes, each one needs something different. Very well said, Katrina.
And from what I hear, it’ll be wrong for different reasons.
Winging it here, too, Katrina. You are a very loving, thoughtful mom. That goes far to cover any inevitable mistakes made along the way. Thanks for sharing this!
What a sweet post, Katrina, and one which I identify with greatly. Children don’t come with instruction manuals, and Dr. Brazelton, Dr. Leach, and a whole host of experts aren’t experts on your child(ren). It IS winging it; or as I like to say, a wing and a prayer. Lots of those.
Blessings.
So sweet! And I agree each child has their own brand of grace that they require us to learn. Lots of prayers and many failings have taught me.
Swing by and visit me this weekend…I have a little something for you:-)
Wholly Devoted
One of the hardest lessons that I have learned about parenting is just that. And then to keep that in your mind when they approach the same problem.
I see this as yet another way God shows us His infinite possibilities with creation.
Katrina- that was a wonderful post! Sometimes their needs are very different and yes we Moms (parents) do have to wing it.
Your post also brought to mind what my says was one of the biggest arguements we ever had (and I was only 2 yrs old). I wanted to sleep with my socks on and she wanted me to sleep with them off. In the end she gave and and I slept with them on. She still talks about how crazy it was that we “fought” over socks!! LOL
Wait for the teenage years! Then all bets are off. One thing you can count on is that the fridge will always be empty and the bedroom will always organized chaos for your child. Mom why did you straighten up my room now I don’t know where anything is.
Be prepared to hear that everythng is always your fault and that the kids as well as their friends are ALWAYS HUNGRY! Sleep? Ugh! You mean you want me to go to bed NOW? It is still early at 2AM. Enjoy these times. I hear no I have learned that how your kids are at this age in time is how they will be when they are teenagers. Socks will only be the details and you will learn the meaning Mom ‘Chill Out’.