I have a birthday coming up in the not-so-distant future, and my husband has asked for my “wishlist.” I usually put one together every birthday and at Christmas time, and hand it over. Then he does his magic and a perfect gift shows up on my special day.

Now, I’ve run into many women who think that making a list for their husbands defeats the whole purpose. After all, a husband should know his wife, should agonize over what would make that perfect gift that would light up her face, should search high and low for said gift, and then should surprise his wife with a beautifully wrapped version of said gift. Every birthday. Every anniversary. Every Christmas. Every Valentine’s Day.

If you have a husband who can handle that kind of pressure and come through every time, then you are one of 3 women in the United States in that position. Congratulations.

But for the rest of us, let me suggest that we put aside the notion that our husbands should be able to read our minds and be willing to help them out a bit. The advantages:

A husband who does not dread birthdays, anniversaries, and other gift-giving occasions.

An increased probability of him remembering the gift-giving occasions (that handy wishlist posted on the fridge may jog his memory).

The likelihood that we’ll receive a gift that we will truly enjoy.

I certainly don’t expect my husband to buy me gifts, but I know he enjoys doing so on those special days, and I know he appreciates knowing exactly what I would love. Sometimes my list is very specific: the exact book that comes next in a series I enjoy. Sometimes it’s more general: a basic category of gift – that way he has some guidance, but can infuse his own creativity into the process.

Either way, I don’t mind providing him with a wishlist, and it definitely works for us.

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Don’t forget – Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer hosts Works for Me Wednesday every week and it’s always full of wonderful tips. Check it out.

I’m a bit of a freak about our home’s thermostat. It seems I’m constantly adjusting the temperature. We have one of those nifty programmable ones, and I do have my “winter” and “summer” programs set for optimal home enjoyment (balanced with optimal budget enjoyment, of course). But I still can’t leave those little buttons alone. If I feed L. in the middle of the night and his feet feel cold, I’ll make a detour down to the thermostat before I go back to bed, just to bump up the temperature by one degree. If I come in from a sweltering day and just can’t cool down, I’ll knock off a degree for 30 minutes or so, in order to get comfy a wee bit faster.

I struggle with extreme temperatures of either kind, and have been known to complain in various seasons about how I wish it were summer (or fall…or spring…). We lived in a home without air conditioning for seven years and I had to bite my lip all summer long to keep from being a completely annoying grouch! It’s a good thing I was born in this day and age, since I can be so picky about our home’s climate. It’s wonderful to be able to push a button and…voila: perfect temperatures! The thermostat is a wonderful thing – making the family happy and comfortable!

In twelve years of marriage and seven years of parenting, I’ve discovered something: I am our home’s “other thermostat.” I play a huge part in setting the emotional climate of our household. Sure, every family member contributes to the overall mood and attitude in the house, but I’ve found that, like it or not, the majority of the temperature-setting falls on me. My husband has told me countless times, “If you’re happy, I’m happy.” And, as any mom knows, if I am disgruntled, dissatisfied, or just plain moody, C. feels and acts all out of sorts, too. What a huge responsibility – to have such an influence on my family’s day-to-day happiness! It’s a responsibility that I think is common to all women.

What I would really like is if I had some cool little buttons to push to change my attitude. One to increase my laughter quotient. One to tone down impatience. Oh, and one that would allow me to have the right perspective in the midst of stress or struggles!

But alas, no buttons. So what do I do when the emotional climate around here needs to be adjusted?

Pray. The bottom line is that I simply cannot bring joy, laughter, and love to those around me on a consistent basis unless I’m soaking up all those things from God. So making sure that the line of communication between God and me is open is the first priority.

Keep my problems to myself. Yes, there are times that issues need to be addressed. But if I’m feeling nit-picky and irritated about little things (like toothpaste on the bathroom mirror or an abundance of crumbs on the family room rug), it’s usually best to just deal with the issue and keep my mouth shut. “Sharing” my frustrations just for the sake of criticism doesn’t do anyone any good.

Share the good stuff. If I hear a story that makes me laugh or a song that lifts my spirit, what better response than to share it with my loved ones, so we can all experience the benefits?

Keep an even keel when others are struggling. Husbands get upset. Kids have melt-downs. Cats freak out and yowl and puke in the basement. My natural responses to those stimuli might be: angrily defending myself, yelling and screaming, and killing the cat. But the better response – the one that is more likely to keep the emotional temperature comfortable – is to stay calm, attempt to gracefully deal with conflicts, and lovingly but firmly get kids through the rough patches. Easier said than done, yes, but a goal nonetheless, and one I have plenty of opportunity to work toward! As for the cat, well, that’s a post for another day…once I figure out what the right response to yowling and puking is.

Use words, actions, and service to make my family feel loved. Whether it’s making sure that the living area doesn’t get too cluttered so that my husband can feel relaxed when he gets home, or making someone’s favorite meal, or saying “I love you” over and over again, there are so many little and big things I can do to make this home a haven for our family. And when they feel safe, happy, and loved here, they’re likely to help me bump the temperature up from “good” to “great.”

How do you keep your home’s emotional temperature at a comfortable setting?

If you’ve wandered around your local Barnes & Noble or Borders lately, you may have noticed that there are now entire sections dedicated to the latest puzzle craze: Sudoku. In case you haven’t heard about it, Sudoku challenges you to arrange the numbers 1-9 in a 9X9 grid, so that every column, every row, and every 3×3 box have one of each number. Variations on Sudoku abound: Samurai Sudoku, 10×10 Sudoku, even something called Wordoku. Clearly, there are a lot of Sudoku nerds out there.

Okay, I admit: I’m one of those Sudoku nerds. And I’ve dragged my son (they make “Sudoku for kids” books, too!) and my mother along into this phenomenon with me. I have one Sudoku book upstairs and one downstairs, for when I need a little distraction. I’ve even been known to visit this web site for a fix.

But my love for puzzles doesn’t end there. Our dining room table is frequently the home of a jigsaw-puzzle-in-progress. I like to visit here to try the daily Set puzzle. And I just can’t get enough of mystery books. There’s something about a whodunit or a will-they-get-away-with-it that sucks me in. Culinary mysteries, thrillers, cozies… if there’s something to solve, I’ll read it!

Kind of funny, since in “real life,” I’m not crazy about puzzles or mysteries. I like life to be predictable, easy to figure out, and planned in advance. But you know, there are a few “mysteries” that add a depth and anticipation to my life that I wouldn’t want to live without:

• How my children will grow and change in the next few weeks or months. I wouldn’t want to know too much in advance – it’s far too much fun to watch it unfold as we go.
• How L.’s personality will develop and mesh with the rest of ours.
• What C.’s next “topic” will be. He tends to pick a subject and learn everything there is to know about it. He’s done the solar system, cars (he can identify almost any car by headlights alone), hurricanes and tornadoes, and many others. I love to see his excitement and thirst for knowledge!
• God. I can’t fully define Him. I can’t put Him in a box. I can’t comprehend all His ways or purposes. But I like it that way. What kind of God would He be if I could understand him completely?

I’m sure there are more, but these are the ones that come to mind at the moment as the mysteries that I can definitely live with!

So, I recently read this astonishing fact in the “breaking medical news” section of a magazine:

Switching to a vegetarian diet can prevent weight gain.

To which I say: Duh.

I mean, think about it. If I’m at Applebee’s, eating a Triple Chocolate Meltdown and I’m feeling full, I think to myself, “Well, I suppose I can fit one or two more bites in.” At which point I proceed to finish off the entire dessert.

However, if I’m at home eating baby carrots, I don’t even have to feel full before I begin thinking, “Okay, I’ll make myself eat at least 3 more of these things.” At which point I take 2 more bites and save the rest for later.

There’s just a whole different psychological dynamic going on there.

Now if you’re my good friend, Dianne, you actually prefer veggies to chocolate (and yes, I’ll still be her friend despite this fact). But if you’re like me, you struggle with putting the chocolate away and getting out the salad instead. Maybe this is why my mirror has been sassing me lately!

“If you want any one thing too much it’s likely to disappoint. The healthy way is to learn to like the everyday things, like soft beds and buttermilk…”– Augustus McCrae-”Lonesome Dove”

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Today, in participation of Everyday Things (hosted by Everyday Mommy), I want to express my thankfulness for the thoughtfulness of friends.

I had no clue what to do for dinner yesterday. It was late afternoon and I hadn’t put meat out to thaw – mostly because I didn’t have any kind of plan for dinner. In the midst of diapers and laundry and feedings (yes, and blogging), I forgot that we had polished off the leftovers the night before, and as I stared helplessly at the contents of my refrigerator, I wondered what I should do. I figured I would end up scouring the pantry for something to pull together.

But then I got a phone call from a friend who said, “I have dinner for you. I’ll drop it off in half an hour.”

As I stumbled over my words on my way to a Thank You, she added, “Don’t get excited – it’s just a Hamburger Helper-type thing. But I figured with the baby and all, maybe you could use a dinner tonight.”

Wow. She had no clue that I was having a dinner quandary that day. She didn’t know that it was perfect timing. She just followed her impulse to be thoughtful and kind and in the process, was a tremendous blessing to me and my family.

I want to try to remember this. And the next time I feel that tug toward doing something thoughtful for someone else, to jump in and do it. Not to wonder if it would make them uncomfortable, or procrastinate until it’s too late. But to take the initiative and reach out to them. Who knows – maybe it will be perfect timing for them, too!